Ice Kreme Sammich

My woman got a root canal today. She's generally a tough broad, so when I saw that this made her miserable I knew it must be bad. She asked me for an ice cream sandwich.

After a trip to the store, late at night in the pouring rain, I came home and produced an ice cream sandwich, as ordered.

She got all bitchy and told me she didn't want it.

Later she told me that she appreciated the gesture, but she just didn't want an ice cream sandwich made with rye bread with mustard.

Memorial Day-- Cheapened by Swift Vets

On Memorial Day it may be appropriate to study how the efforts of veterans are not always recognized, and in some cases are minimized. Last year’s assault on presidential candidate John Kerry’s veteran status is an excellent example of how even the political right will happily desecrate military distinctions for political gains. Remember the “Swift Vets for Truth”?

Everyone agreed that John Kerry was awarded three purple hearts and a bronze star -- that was not being debated. The controversy centered on how the awards were earned. Many, led by the Swift Boat Vets for Truth, indicated that Kerry’s injuries were superficial and his heroism was questionable. If true, it tacitly implied that the military had loose standards to bestow these honors of recognition and heroism. Were these distinctions given for the asking? Did Kerry get his Purple Heart in the box with the Band Aid? I was always confident that there was a high standard, a system, a basis for these most meritorious military decorations. Apparently not, if the Swift Vets are correct.

When I see the Purple Heart on a vet’s license plate or I hear about instances of war injury or valor, I reflect upon the contribution and sacrifice. A vet’s service and trials should command immediate respect; at least this is what I was always taught. Now the Swift Vets tell me that this esteemed combat decoration is simply obtained for negligible injury and misrepresented acts. Clearly this is how Kerry did it, if I understand the Swift Vets, radio personalities and political pundits correctly.

I always thought it was much more than that.

Let's not forget the assertions of this group of political activists. If time tells that the Swift Vets for Truth have tarnished the high symbolism of these recognitions to influence a political process, it is a deplorable disservice to those that sustained combat injuries, oftentimes lethal, or exhibited acts of combat heroism. Post-conscription generations do not revere the sacrifices made by those that served (and continue to serve) our country with such valor. A generation of heroes is dying daily and we are losing touch with all they gave at such a critical watershed in our history. To cheapen the value of earned military medallions by implying they are essentially free for the asking is a sad disservice to soldiers and families that endured physical hardship as part of their sacrifice. It is healthy to scrutinize a presidential candidate, but not with unsubstantiated allegations that diminish the value, symbolism and merit of meaningful military distinctions.

A Self-Proclaimed Sex Offender

X24 is a quiet guy. He lives and works from his Central Wisconsin house and doesn't bother anyone. He's a model citizen and generous neighbor, always willing to lend a hand or a tool, or willing to share his sweetest fishing spots on the Wisconsin River.

Until the evil white trash family moved in next door. They have about 100 dogs that bark all day and all night. He works at home out of an office in his house. Since he lives in Wisconsin he does not require air conditioning-- having the windows open is mostly sufficient. The spring is especially nice beacause you can open the windows and let the cool spring air permeate the house that has been closed for 6 months.

But the ruckus from the dogs is bad with the windows closed, and any window opening is insane because it is so loud. The neighbor is unapproachable and the Stevens Point cops are useless, so X24 is stranded, locked in his airtight home.

Then the kids moved in. Where from they came from he knows not, but the are there. They trample his plants, run in his yard, piss off his dog. He's tolerant and can live with this. However, there is one little pinhead that insists on peeking over the fence and shreaking at the top of her lungs in a shrill scream that rattles the windows and penetrates his skull like a ball-point pen. She insists on doing it at least once every minute during his waking hours.

The neighbor doesn't care about X24 or the chaos in her own yard. His complaints fall on deaf ears. Deep in the deck he had a card he could play, and only he is cool enough to play it flawlessly.

After enduring a day of endless shreaking, he knocked on the neighbor's door. She answered. He made the following statement:

"I see you have kids over and I feel obliged to tell you that I am a registered sex offender and am not supposed to be within 50 yards of children... I suggest you keep them inside".

Since, the children have disappeared and the neighborhood is quiet, except for the insanely barking dogs.

Maybe he can tell her that he's also been arrested for beastiality.

Take Your Embryo and Shove It.

Two people close to me are dying faster than the rest of us are. They both suffer from confirmed diseases that will directly or indirectly end their lives quite prematurely. Both could potentially benefit, if not be cured, by treatments derived from embryonic stem cell research.

But our stupid president is going to veto a proposal to expand funding on such research avenues, despite its support in the legislature and the general public, because HE thinks it's wrong.

Think about this. While we spend billions systematically killing others overseas we can't study cells in a dish? We are going to suspend research to cure human disease because HE thinks there's an invisible man in the clouds that might not approve?

Those opposed to embryonic stem cell research are among my co-workers, neighbors and friends. I have asked them to assure me that if they, their children, or their families ever need treatment derived from embryonic stem cells that they will forego such medical measures. I want them to put their morality where their mouth is.

I'm also sending a letter to President Bush asking for him to assure me that he'll never pursue such treatments. If he's going to make that decision for me and the people I care about now, I demand that he be held to the same limitations on medical options later.

Asshole.

Another Misplaced Finger

I've been watching the Michael Jackson case from the corner of my eye, and would be embarrassed to admit it if I knew the court details. I really don't give a shit. However, it does not take an expert FBI profiler to figure this one out. Michael Jackson had children over to his house, sleeping in his bed. Everyone can agree on this. Red flags should be popping right about now.

Michael Jackson is an adult toddler with a bottomless checkbook. He knows no boundaries, and any barrier that is presented can be worked around with cronies and cash. He makes bad decisions and has a sparse intellectual toolbox. Certainly he has no sense of acceptable cultural mores with respect to man-boy interaction, so I'm betting that there was some hand-in-the-spiderman-underoos, touching of the naughty, tingly parts. I suspect there was hugging, bottom touching, kissing and intimate massage. He probably crooned them to sleep singing Elton John's "Don't let your sun go down on me", only subsituting the word "son" for "sun". Ol' Putty Puss was likely brushing up against teenie weenies now and then, manipulating children into accepting sexual abuse lite. I don't think he is innocent.

Fortunately for Michael, he opened his bed to troubled kids with screwy families. I don't think they are innocent either. There is a shred of truth to their allegations that is being expanded to assure conviction and bring in those coveted damages! These losers start with a kernel of truth and then extrapolate the facts to cash in. I suspect that the parents knew of the abuse and kept sending their kids back just so they could render these charges. It worked in 1993 to the tune of $20 million....

So, there is a freak child abuser being tried by money-hungry losers with no credibilty. Is there any way that the court can find both parties guilty?

Dismembryos!

Today I have offered the New World Odor venue to occasional contributor Reverend Harland Ferris of East Palatka, FL. He has some pointed opinions on stem cell research and the recent legislative actions on the impending science. -- Schmootzie

Dear Readers of this Blog of Filth,

The Great President Bush has spoken about embryo research and will veto the legislation aimed to expand the slaughter of our 16-celled citizens. The mission of his Culture of Life has the vision to recognize that these little people are alive and swimming in a loving pool of nutrients, praying for a womb to one day call home. He has the intellect and integrity to speak down on the demoncrats and republican traitors that conspire to sacrifice human life for the evils of science.

But the President should not stop there. Next he shall establish the Office of Fallopian Security (OFS), an agency to expand and enforce investigations and penalties on the evildoers that maintain the jihad against the unborn that lie in vitro. Here are some of the changes we can look forward to if you can help convince those in power to take action:

1. MONTHLY TESTING OF ALL WOMEN for pregnancy and proper embryo-fetus maintenance. OFS doctors will track women between the onset of menses and menopause with monthly pregnancy tests. Proof of pregnancy will make the mother-to-be responsible for that young life. Those miscarrying will be tried for involuntary manslaughter. The term "miscarry" is a watered-down distortion by liberals to make this crime against the unborn seem like a mistake or accident. The Lord doesn't make junk, so the defective mother must have polluted her insides to deem them unfit rightful habitation. It is not a "miscarriage" is is a spontaneous ABORTION and ALL ABORTION is killing the unborn! After OFS testing, repeated spontaneous abortion will result in the defective woman's trial as a serial killer. After all, ALL embryos are lives, and all lives are sacred and to be protected.

2. SHUT DOWN OF IN-VITRO FERTILIZATION clinics and ARREST AND TRIAL of those seeking implanted embryos. The bottom line is, although one, two, three, four or more embryos may be implanted and taken to term, the majority do not successfully implant. Here, doctors and parents conspire in the death of the un-implantable. If Jesus prescribes a woman to be barren then she should be so, and not sacrifice little babies to fulfill her selfish family inclinations.

3. DESTRUCTION OF COUNTRIES that engage in embryonic cell research. South Korea, Japan, China and a number of European companies comprise the “Excess of Embryos” nations stockpiling Cells of Mass Instruction. These microscopic repositories of disease data and potential cures must not be sacrificed for scientific gain. Plus, evidence not reported in the liberally-biased media and internets says that when you freeze an embryo in liquid nitrogen and revive it there is chromosome damage that can make it homosexual.

4. STOPPING ALL RESEARCH, period. President Bush (God Bless) is only stopping the expansion of federal funding, and we need to stop all private efforts to kill the unborn. I heard they are going to grind up the unborn for injection into Michael J. Fox's brain.

Christian Brothers, your immediate action is important to cease the terrorism agaist our babies! Please, for the love of all that is good and decent print this list of four legislative action points and submit it to your senators, representative and president. Remember, someday in heaven you demons will have to reconcile your actions with those millions of blastocysts that have been sacrificed and it ain't going to be pretty.

Rev. Harlan Ferris
East Palatka, FL

The Finger of Liberty

I've never liked Donald Trump, in fact, he's precisely the kind of jag I most distain. However, today he is the only person that has the groinage to point out that the design of the proposed "Freedom Tower" is a piece of shit (and he actually grew his own toupee which is strangely admirable).

As it stands, the proposed erection looks like garish facade of a futuristic Disney hotel. The surrounding buildings and adjacent mall are all artsy fartsy with funny angles and crazy colors. There is a reflecting pond. Ugh. Why just replace a once majestic skyline icon with a Barbie Townhouse? That's like putting a dust ruffle around the Washington Monument or adding Ruth Buzzi to Mt. Rushmore.

Where is the American spirit of "build one better"? Donald Trump is the only person to suggest this. He wants a direct replacement, varying only from the original in that it be stronger and at least one floor higher. I agree. The new World Trade Center should be made of solid iron and should be shaped like a fist or middle finger. I like the "Finger of Liberty", a five-tower set with the middle tower extended for the terrorist world to see (see photo below). It would stand both as a reminder and a challenge, a "you fooled me once, now F-You". Ol' Cowboy George W. Bush should insist that we put a target on the damn thing and tell those bastards to go for it. Hang a sack off the back.

The best homage to those killed is a sturdy erection, an infallible structure in the footprints of the WTC. What asshole needs a glorified cement pond to reflect on such a tragedy? Within a day a such a creation will be reflecting with the homeless, Starbucks cups and McDonald's bags.

I knew that the terrorists won when we woke up a nation of pussies in January of 2002. Sure, we talked tough for a few months and shot missiles into bunkers 1000 miles away. That was sure courageous. In reality, 9-11 made us weak, stupid and submissive. It made us elevate a dumb man and his cronies to absolute power and godly status. It eroded the principles of freedom that were the foundation of America. Today there is a perfectly good foundation to build a tower on, and if the influential voices are the same as the voters we'll put something of no substance on it. In a way, the financing and erection of the Tinkerbell Tower will be an appropriate metaphor for how we have been neutered and stupified as a nation.

Donald Trump should keep on fighting for a reasonable replacement. Now that a person with money is involved perhaps someone will listen.

Do the Math, then Get Angry.

Friday marked an important day for the U.S. Army. After allegations and probes led to evidence of impropriety among army recruiters, the U.S. Army covered its own tail by gathering its recruiters for a conference on the ethics of recruiting.

The media ate it up. The stories of recruiters looking the other way on convictions and drug histories, recruiters helping to forge diplomas and documents, recruiters offering gifts and bribes, were too big for news outlets to ignore. However, while feasting at the buffet of army dim-wittedness the media completely missed the biggest story of all.

In every report, from CNN to ABC to FOX, they reported that the army is 15% behind in its target to recruit 80,000 new soldiers in 2005. To help remedy the situation the nation's 7,500 recruiters are meeting to discuss recruiting practices. This was the story, as reported.

Do the math. If all targets are met then that is only 11 new recruits per year, per recruiter. That's less than one a month per recruiter. Is this wise use of taxpayer funds? Plus, just about every town has a US Army recruiter office located in a primo spot in a local mall, and that ain't cheap. I'll bet when you count TV commercials, literature, bumper stickers, recruiter benefits and all the overhead it must cost $100,000 per recruit to get them to join.

That should make you mad. Add to it that the army and US government have the gall to limit payouts to injured soldiers. They have cut benefits for veterans and pay below minimum wage to those serving valiantly. Once discharged, may vets feel that they are on their own, especially those suffering from unusual disease that the government doesn't want to believe exists.

Maybe it is time to rework the numbers. As usual the taxpayer gets fleeced and somebody must be making an awful lot of money by NOT doing their job.

"My First Vito"

President Poopypants is dedicating this weekend to pick out which color crayon he'll use to veto the impending stem cell research bill, sure to be passed by the Republican-held House and Senate. This is new territory for the president. While unprecedented spending bills and freedom-sucking security measures scurry across the desk unchallenged, he has vowed to place his own narrow agenda ahead of scientific progress and veto any legislation aiming to expand embryonic stem cell research.

Here are his comments on the matter yesterday:

President Bush: (ummm) I've made my position very clear on (uh) embryonic stem cells. I'm a strong supporter (umm) of adult stem cell research, (uh, uh uh,um) of course. But I have made it very clear to the Congress that the (uh) use of federal money, (uhhhh, uhhh, um) taxpayers' money, to promote science which destroys life in order to save life is - I'm against that. And therefore, (uhm) if the bill does that, I will veto it".

Here's an inarticulate twit that is going to excercise executive power to hinder scientific progress. The ironic part is, didn't Bush predicate the entire invasion and occupation of Iraq as a means to use billions of taxpayer dollars to destroy life in order to save it? Afterall, they have WMD, and they will use them.

Two facts remain evident. First, stem cell technology is here and the Christian, conservative numbnuts are not going to stop it. Period. Asian laboratories will realize benefits from stem cell research and the USA will continue to fall behind in technology. Second, when President Bush, his family, or "good Christians" in general need the therapies realized via stem cell research to stay alive, they will be in a charted jet to Seoul to get it. Just watch. When the chips are down they'll chug a glass of embryos like they were on Fear Factor if it means saving their own asses.

Allowing politicians to make decisions about science should scare you senseless. These are people that can't balance a checkbook-- how can they make reasonable decisions about intricate medical science that will ultimately affect the quality and duration of your life?

Give Anna Ayala the Finger!

The following is an actual letter submitted to Wendy's Restaurants. If you agree, PLEASE send a note to Wendy's saying that you support Schmootzie's "Give Anna the Finger" Campaign!

Wendy's Consumer Relations
Wendy's International, Inc.
4288 W. Dublin-Granville Rd.
Dublin, OH 43017


Dear Wendy’s,

I think the recent attempt by Anna Ayala to extort money from your company is deplorable. I also commend your immediate response and approach to find the truth in the matter. Unfortunately, your company and franchisee have suffered irreconcilable financial losses and a tarnished reputation because of the incident. I appreciate that you have offered free frosties in an attempt to bring customers back to your restaurants.

However, to restore the public's faith you will need a campaign that is bigger than the original problem. A free frosty doesn't grab media attention like a finger in the chili. I have thought of a golden remedy and pass it along to you for your consideration.

I suggest that you run a “Give Anna the Finger” campaign, a month where 10% of the revenues from Wendy’s Chili will be earmarked to defray the costs of the criminal investigation and prosecution of Anna Ayala, as well as contribute to the cost of her criminal confinement. As Americans, we’re sick and tired of frivolous lawsuits clogging our courts and raising prices for the consumer. If you have the guts to forward this campaign you will sell record amounts of your chili, as well as bring people back to your restaurants. I don’t even eat at Wendy’s, but if you ran this campaign I’d buy 100 gallons of the stuff and dump it down the toilet just to know I was helping to put Ms. Ayala away.

The American consumer respects your strong stance on this issue, and if adopted, “Give Anna the Finger” will be the most resonant fast-food mantra since “Where’s the Beef”. I offer this idea to you with no strings attached. However,maybe you might seize this opportunity to fund a scholarship for training physicians to re-attach severed limbs if this campaign brings you more than enough money to shitcan that bitch.

Again, thank you for your consideration.

(signed)

Dr. Kxxxx Fxxxx
(aka Schmootzie)

Behold the Power of Flushing a Holy Book

The recent Newsweek post about flushing a Koran down a toilet has raised the ire of Muslims worldwide. In the staunchly un-American spirit of intellectual consistency I condone putting ALL holy texts down toilets, especially to evoke discourse or achieve a meaningful end. Defacing, flushing and burning of spiritual/national/political icons is as American as killing innocent populations, so I endorse all forms of Holy Book destruction, whether the Koran incident truly happened or not. I also am curious as to what kind of plumbing fixture can handle a book-sized load without clogging because I'd like to install one over at the Big Top. Schmootzie likes a big pancake breakfast.

Over the past several decades I've enraged rednecks with sporadic desecrations. My old band "Red Lobster Cult" tore up and burned a bible on stage each time we played. My other band, "Insane War Tomatoes" painted a giant dollar sign onto an American flag where it was mishandled and stomped on before it was rubbed about the "Flaming Tube of Love" a flame-throwing phallus strapped to my pelvis. I've put a Buda down my pants to enahnce my manly package. In all these cases I've enraged Americans with stretching the interpretations of free speech, and don't have a problem with it.

In my mind icons are only as good as the substance that elevates them. The Bible, the Koran, Jesus statues, elvis paintings, tikis, pyramids, the Hollywood elite, George W. Bush, and all other empty vessels that are dutifully worshipped by brainwashed minions are ripe targets for flushing, burning, defacing and bottom wiping.

I'll tell the Muslim Community what I tell hillbillies and NAS-tards in the "Try to Burn This One" shirt -- GET OVER IT. It is a damn symbol, a thing, a replaceable, tangible thing. It is not magic, it has no special powers. Icons, documents, flags and standards are only as powerful as the true virtues they represent. Judging from the actions of many in today's world, there is little evidence that many of them are fit for little more than a snotrag.

It is the blind worship of icons that makes them effective tools of my protest. When I piss on a cross or Bible, people get upset. When I draw boobies on President Bush or wear the flag like a diaper, people are enraged. That is why non-violent actions are so effective-- they attack the symbols that assholes blindly worship for their bogus intrinsic value.

You Neo-Con religious kooks can go ahead and make a Schmootize dart board. Print my photo on toilet paper and wipe your hiney with it. I don't care. My substance is in my thoughts and how I put them into action. Everything else is just a symbol.

"Support" is an Action, Not Just a Sentiment

The number of fifty-cent yellow magnetic ribbons continues to grow. On my way to work I am told, frequently by self-labelled Bush-Cheney supporters, to support the troops, presumably those actively in combat in Iraq. Many people adorn their cars with a “support ribbon”. I see them for many causes, from “Support Breast Cancer Awareness” to “Support Medical Marijuana Use”. Typically, people sporting the latter truly are infused with support for the topic of interest and actively work towards breast cancer/pot awareness etc. However, “Support Our Troops” is really just a Republican mantra, a brain-dead reiteration of an obvious sentiment. Is there anyone that is not truly concerned about the well being of young volunteers assigned to combat? Probably not.

I ask those that “Support Our Troops” what they have done to actually support them. Is support something they have done, or is it something they say to be part of the bumper-magnet club? Have they sent toiletries, clothes, medicines, food, porn, or a kind-hearted letter? No. Have they helped the families of overseas soldiers with financial contributions or with household chores? No. This magic action of “support” is really just a fifty-cent sticker on the bumper showing that they agree with President Bush and his invasion / occupation of a sovereign nation under false pretenses. The better sticker should be "I Support the President No Matter What" rather than anything about troops. Maybe they feel guilty that their unquestioning support for an executive decision has sentenced over 1600 American soldiers to death.

Of course, if President Bush suggested that national security depended on killing puppies you’d see “Support Puppy Death” stickers on the same bumpers.

The bottom line is, when you take the time to stick a sign on your car and tell the world that you support something, then you should truly support it. Support is action, it is involvement, it is not just lip service. Of course, do you really think we can ask as much from politicians and their lockstep ideologs?

I Spit My Coffee Out When I Saw This.

Papal Decree

VATICAN CITY- Wearing traditional papal robes and a large smile, Pope Benedict XVI has announced that “dog heaven” and “cat hell” would be combined. The space saving act, his first as catholic pontiff, was applauded by his followers. “It is no secret that the heavens are getting crowded” said Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls, “and this marks a wonderful day for proponents of heavenly multiple use. Now those evil cats will finally get their due, and those dogs, well, they’re truly in heaven!”

Whether this move marked the beginning of further next-worldly consolidation would not be denied nor confirmed by the Vatican, though it rumored that the “amputation reunion” program would likely be discontinued. Said Cardinal Jorge Arturo Medina Estevez, “in the past, upon arrival to the after world, a dog would be reunited with the tail, dewclaws or testicles lost during mortal life.” As these appendages were often removed when the animals were young, they appeared comically small when reattached to an adult sized dog spirit. “Discontinuing the program would not only free up further heavenly space, it would reduce the taunting of recent arrivals by their saintly ancestors.”

Future plans for the now vacant “cat hell” would not be revealed. The buzz surrounding “bird hell” expansion could not be substantiated, and Satan’s minions of land development could not be reached for comment.

--- Dutifully Submitted by NWO Contributor X24

Asian Curiosities

Asian Pick Up Sticks, No Chopping

Today I realized that I brought my lunch to work, but forgot a fork. The fare is enchiladas in mole (MOL-A) sauce. Sensing the problem, a co-worker suggested that I keep chopsticks in my drawer for such an emergency.

Then it struck me. The one thing that chopsticks do not do well is chop, yet they certainly are sticks. Whilst it is impossible to cut with them, they are most appropriate for poking, spindling or destroying soft food.

Blue Willow

The lingual gymnastics of the Chinese generate many sounds and tones not typical to westerners. Likewise, we have the letter "L", a tone that produces facial contortions and a muted "R" sound from Chinese speakers attempting the consonant.

In Chicago, on the corner of Damen and Chicago Avenue, was a Chinese restaurant. It was cheap and good, and they didn't cook the vegetables to mush. One day I tried to order via phone. With menu in hand I dialed the number and waited for an answer...

"BRUE WEEER", the voice said.

"I'm sorry, I must have a wrong number, I was trying to call the Blue Willow Chinese restaurant", I said.

The voice came back strongly, "THIS IS BRUE WEEEER!"

After going back and forth, hanging up and making a second call I realized that I did in fact have the correct number for Blue Willow, only the receptionist could not pronounce it to save her rife.

Maybe they should have called it Red Oak.

If You've Got It, Flaunt It-- If You Don't Got It, Don't Make Me Look At It!

While in Daytona Beach for a conference I could not help but note the bravado of the morbidly obese. The weather was atypically cold, yet a subset of vacationers felt it necessary to defrock to a string bikini and wander the beach sand. In my recollection, beachgoers wearing revealing swimwear was rarely a problem. Chisly guys and women that are puffy in the right places were usually not patently offensive to the eye. Now with the acceptance of the obese body as the norm, going to the beach and people watching might as well be whale watching.

This weekend the bikini-beachworthy were absent and in their place frolicked tubby, white, statues of cottage cheese. I thought they must be from the Michelin-Man Conference at the hotel, but careful scrutiny would reveal that they were just tens of very heavy women oozing out of inadequate 2-piece swimsuits. The strings that held the minimal fabric together cut grooves into the chubby fatness; like a marshmallow tied tightly with fishing string.

This comes from a new unconsciousness about the way today's minimal fashions mesh with our body parts. Sure, I'm a bit gooey around the middle, so this is not an indictment of fatness. Instead, it is the way we choose to conceal the excess body weight, or in this case, proudly display it. My guess is that people are feeling comfortable with their spare tires and saddlebags enough to the point where they like to let it hang out. Women's low-cut jeans are a perfect example. 95% of women wearing these things have significant squazz goooping out the top, and to complete the look they match the pants with cropped top.

Again, I'm no picture of health, but I'm hardly in bad shape for my age. Still, you won't see my dunlop ("the stuff that dun lop over you belt" as it was said in the Fat Albert cartoons) on any beach soon. I'll sit in my muumuu and watch the whales go by.

Dumb --- and Dumber

Now that runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks is back at home, there are two opinions concerning her recent disappearance. One is contempt, one deli owner saying that her act was "one of the most selfish things he's ever heard of". The other is "well everyone makes mistakes", spoken from her soon-to-be husband, John Mason.

Throughout life it is important for us to give careful scrutiny to clues when offered. It is not a good idea to touch the red snake with fangs showing and its mouth open. We are given warnings and we choose to heed them or not. This is most important when we have the ability to choose the people that are closest to us. We're stuck with the family we get, but we can carefully shape our pool of friends and other close relationships.

In a decision to marry one is considering placing their ultimate trust in someone else. You depend on this person to make the right decision and to respond appropriately when the shit hits the fan. They will make decisions about your health, your life, and decisions about the children you may bring into the world. Picking a spouse needs to be a solid decision, as red flags only become maroon as a marriage matures.

Jennifer has shown her true colors. In the face of a crisis borne from a princess' story book, she plotted, schemed and executed a selfish act of deception and distortion with no regard for those she would hurt. Her family agonized and her putative spouse was left to undergo police scrutiny while contemplating her loss.

For better or for worse. Those words should not be taken lightly. John Mason, you have seen how she responds when the situation is "for better". Don't be a boob. If you marry that psycho you will never be respected in your life. If you tell her to get lost you'll have 10,000 offers from primo babes looking to get hitched to a no-nonsense guy that has a sack. That's rare these days. You've been pussified by a female and ideolic visions of something you will not have with Jennifer. Saying that she has issues is putting it lightly. She lacks the fundamental grasp of reality and is lacking a sense of remorse for her wrong doing.

John needs to immediately pull back from this venture in a public forum. Listen to the world. We've all known Jennifer in one incarnation or another, and they don't get less nuts with age. Spoiled brats make dependent whiny adults that will never be satisfied, and a bad hair day will be a point of contention in a storybook marriage.

A Stupid Family Breeds a Runaway Bride

Yesterday, in this very venue, I brilliantly predicted that Jennifer Wilbanks' claims of abduction would eventually prove to be a hoax. The scam was revealed only a few hours later. I then predicted that her family and community would circle the wagons to insultate their little darling from the media and prosecution. I was half wrong. Her family has fallen into a pattern of obstruction and protection on her behalf as usual, whereas the town is not so pleased.

Her family has repeated what is likely the lifelong pattern that inspires a 32-year-old woman to run instead of confronting reality. They have claimed that she has "issues" that need to be resolved, and have sequestered her away from the media. Her priest has made excuses and chuckled at the "jitters" that led hundreds of concerned townspeople to spend their time searching for her.

Her husband-to-be said that he's "remembering what Jesus said about forgiveness". What a knucklehead. She's shown him how she will react in a "crisis". Why would anyone want to be married to that liability? That chump is so woozle-whipped that he'll be at the alter with her within a year and cleaning up after her immature decisions for a few years until he gets sick of it and dumps her.

Luckily, the town of Duluth, GA is not so forgiving. Business owners suffered losses, customers had to be escorted to their cars, the police diverted manpower from real cases to a bogus case of a 30-something infant faking her disappearance. There have been calls for her to make a public apology and some to repay the losses.

I agree. She should divert the money going to the garrish wedding to cover the expenses and be forced to perform public service in an office that searches for the hundreds of currently missing children and adults. This bitch needs a reality check.

She claims that she "needed some time alone". Let me get this straight, she was not diagnosed with cancer, her family didn't tragically die, a plane didn't fly into her office. The crisis was a wedding, a 600-guest gala with 14 bridesmaids and a sweet table as big as a football field. This was the crisis, this was the breaking point, this was the reason to run and fabricate an elaborate, expensive, abduction hoax.

And now rather than holding her accountable, holding her feet to the fire, holding her responsible, her family is protecting her and again making excuses. THEY should stick that bitch in the town stockade and MAKE her answer the questions, BEFORE they urge the city to prosecute her. Then they should lock her in a room with Mark Klass, John Walsh, and two socks full of quarters. That's what my folks would do, they'd support my development by holidng me accountable, and now I'm a functional adult.

It is people like her that make me itch for the challenging economic times ahead. When things get REALLY tough she and her ilk will be the first to dry up and blow away.