Guest Post: Rev. Harlan Ferris

Good Day. Dr. Kevin F**** was kind enough to grant me space in his wicked list of filth to interject my informed opinions based on facts given to us from above. Friends, do not be swayed by Kevin's evil messages, for those that call themselves "scientists" are nothing but conduits of the hooved one.

Let's start with Evolution. Are you a monkey? Do you look like a monkey? No! You look like the Lord for you were forged in His image. Even the lowest demon-crats among us know He ain't a monkey! The best evidence to prove that evolution is bunko is that the Bible tells us that the Earth is no more than 6000 years old. That is the truth. All of this stuff about dinosaurs, old rocks and things "millions of years old" are lies, lies to test your faith.

The environment. The Hollyweird kooks want you to conserve the resources kindly bestowed by God for our use. These were put here for us! The oil, the air, the water, the animals-- we do a disservice to the Lord Jesus Christ by NOT using them completely. God wants us to use it, kill the animals in our dominion. HE CAN MAKE MORE, and He will. Luckily, His faithful steward, the Great Leader George W. Bush knows this and will continue to support use of our planet for the glory of God.

Don't believe space "science". Lies. Do you REALLY think that the Lord would put the planet that Jesus Christ walked on ANYWHERE but in the CENTER of the universe? Think about it! Just because a scientist measured someting with his liberally-biased tools of deception does not make it a fact! The earth has four corners, like it says in the Good Book. It is flat and in the center of the universe... Glory Be!

You got to look hard past the vile nakedness of American contemporary values. You got to look past the deviant faggotry that encumbers family values. Read the Bible and believe it is so. There are unicorns, 900 year old people, flying people, talking donkeys and many more great things that Sweet Baby Jesus left for us here. Open your eyes and see them! Read the Bible, and don't listen to the scientists.

God Bless

Rev. Harlan Ferris

It was Crystal Clear to Me

In 8th grade, 1981, I informed Bryon Klinkner (school tough guy) that Rob Halford (front man for heavy metal gods Judas Priest) was gay.

After I got done picking the atomic grundy out of my crack I pondered why I was blessed with the crystal-clear "gay-dar" that Bryon apparently lacked. The sexual orientation of Rob Halford did not require the most resolute observational skills, to me, it was not necessarily a gray area...



Let's see... leather buttless chaps... bullwhip... a leather cap... handcuffs... lyrics like "I’ll bring you to your knees, And give you what you please, I’m gonna shoot it, I’m gonna shoot it”. He was not only light in the leather-studded loafers, we was as gay as a three dollar bill! He was not only a rough-and-tumble burly biker, but a gay rough and tumble burly biker, kicking ass, taking names and belting out metal mayhem. This constituted a strange irony in that most fans were testosterone-oozing, young male gay bashers. Personally, I thought Priest rocked. They were damn good and better when the record was on 45.



The only thing separating him from Freddy Mercury was a pair of Mr. Ed teeth, but the juvenille homophobes of the suburban Chicago metal clique wouldn't buy it. My insistence on his sexual orientation earned me a high school career of daily Wedgies, Grundies, Indian Burns, Hertz Donuts, Purple Hermans and Rear Admirals. I almost got the dreaded Bandit. Bryon Klinkner even took a whiz on my gym suit. Worse yet, I was a fan of Halford and Judas Priest, I only made the mistake of pointing out that the Emperor might be wearing a pushy-up bra.



In 1996, Rob Halford emerged from his thinly-doored closet, a revealation that was met with a collective gasp of surprise from the metal music industry. I again said "Duh". The machismo-soaked metal community was shaken; a revered singer preferred baloney in the can, and some even refused to refer to him as a "front man".



I was right all along. Will I get redemption and an apology at the 25th reunion? Probably not. As usual, I have the revelation 15-20 years before it eventually comes to pass. All I can do is know in my heart that I endured physical abuse, mental torture and angry response to my correct observation, a problem that plagues me to this day.

Thanks, But No Thanks...

Today I saw a turtle crossing a busy street. It was purely random chance that it was not smooshed by some car zombie on a cell phone. I got there just in time to gently kick it into a ditch. The closest body of water, Lake Alice, was 0.25 miles away but the mossy goo on its shell (and the fact that it was clearly a water species) indicated it had strayed from the lake.

I placed it on some grass about 100 feet from the street. If hare/tortoise stories held any weight the shelled critter would not tread far in a few minutes. I ran over to get my truck to deliver the turtle back to Lake Alice. When I returned the turtle was sprinting towards the street again, lumbering along on the shoulder. I picked it up and placed it into the bed of my truck and drove it to Lake Alice where it swam away into the murky water.

As I drove away from an apparently good deed I began to consider what I may have just undone. That turtle had a serious attitude about crossing that street, a horendous idea, attempted almost twice. Was he on a mission? Was there a compelling reason it wanted to be on the other side?

Maybe it lost its keys on a midnight foray, perhaps it was trying to score some carapace in a clandestine turtle rendezvous, maybe it had visions of a cure for cancer or world peace and thought it may find a willing ear at the University of Florida. Then, Ol' Kevin, the guy that thinks he knows best for the herpetology world, erases a tiresome run of painstaking progress. The hazardous journey of navigating busy streets and dodging cars, all under a hot Florida sun had been completely negated by a well-meaning scientist. Smooth move, jerk.

Santaclaustrophobia

I got up on the Friday after Thanksgiving to go to work. I made the mistake of driving to work past the Oaks Mall. At 9 AM the streets were packed with potential consumers, all hording together like ants on a giant, melting popsicle. Horns honked and middle fingers extended to commemorate the first hours of a month of holiday cheer. I was stuck among the traffic of morons, and the only place I would rather not be would be in the mall itself.

People queued up outside of mall stores at 5AM and then packed into overcrowded stores to buy overpriced stuff. Some looked forward to it. I'd rather slam by hand in a car door. What is it about the Friday after Thanksgiving that makes everyone coalesce around retail? The answer-- it is the one thing Americans can agree upon. Even the poorest amongst us are rabid consumers. The middle class over-consume on overextended credit and the wealthy remind us of their riches via conspicuous consumption. Blue States, Red States, we all want stuff. Buying stuff unites us, as all economic strata are keeping pace with the hypothetical Joneses.

The mall is the meeting place of the modern American community. It is the place of worship of material crap; a place we can shun acknowledgement of each other and the planet. Our quest for possessions blinds us to their cost in human capital. To buy a television for $40 at Wal Mart slave labor solders away in Asia while Americans lose their manufacturing jobs. We drain dwindling natural resources and make more junk to package and eventually discard when it is uncool in two years.

I choose not to participate. Today I will produce especially more than I consume and my only consumption will be confined to Thanksgiving leftovers.

No Thanks, No Giving.

What a great idea they had. The Pilgrims trekked off into the unknown in the hope of putting down their religious roots in a place where they were free to worship as they were compelled. They marked the success of this great adventure by celebrating a “Thanksgiving”, a day to reflect on their gratitude to their creator.

Today the great minds of the Religious Right tells us that Thanksgiving is a religious holiday and that we are all supposed to thank God for what we have. We are reminded of the words of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln that acknowledge a “Creator” in the celebration of Thanksgiving. This then is extrapolated to illustrate to us heretics that this is a “"Christian nation founded on the Bible"”.

Of course, they forget that the reason the Pilgrims came here in the first place. It so much sucked to live under a repressive religious state that they decided to roll the dice, get on a big damn boat and risk life and limb to get somewhere where they could worship as they wanted to. This holiday is mostly about being thankful for freedom, the freedom to escape oppressive state-sponsored endorsements of specific religious dogma.

The Right can't candy coat this societal turd. Thanksgiving nowadays is about turkeys and secular bullshit. For most people Thanksgiving marks the start of a season that encourages our combined evils. It is a time to do less, consume more, get fatter, stupider and deeper into a financial rut.

In my opinion we should be thankful every day. We should be giving every day. Moreover, shouldn'’t “thanks” and “giving” be directed towards those in our communities and those around us more than to some deity that may or may not really exist? By definition a "Creator" can create the stuff it needs and probably isn't too worried about what you think, say or do.

Let's get real. Thanksgiving Day commemorates our unbridled consumption of food and the Friday to follow celebrates relentless consumption of stuff. Face it, these two days are a microcosm of the American year. If you don’t believe me look at those around us—-- Americans are obese and in debt. There is no thanks and no giving, just hazardous consumption to the fault of physique and finance.

We should change the holiday name to Gluttonygetting.

Groupers

I actually took a day off of work and went fishing with Eric. We went out for grouper in the Gulf of Mexico, about 20 miles off of Cedar Key, FL.

He caught most of them as it took me a while to figure out the technique and a new reel. By the end of the day we probably caught 30 grouper, as many grunts and other weird ocean stuff. 7 of the grouper were legal, greater than 22".

The illegal groupers were arrested and deported.

What Would Jackie Do?

Ron Artest and his thug basketball colleagues should be ashamed. They have the privilege of getting paid zillions of dollars to play a damn game. They put a round ball into a hole for $10,000-100,000 per night.

The other night Ron Artest and three other players ran into the stands of a basketball game to assault heckling fans. He and the other animals are not capable of controlling themselves and took to punching and kicking the dopey dorks that paid $100 for a ticket to watch them. Soon the lawsuits will start, and the league has already handed down stiff suspensions.

Now he is suspended for the rest of the season and the players’ union is going to appeal it. Why can’t he be a man and accept the decision. He needs to come out, be humble, say he made a mistake and that it won’t happen again. Instead he (and others) defend his actions and say the punishment is too harsh.

Maybe he should stop taking lessons from the President and take a lesson from Jackie Robinson. Upon installation into major league baseball from the Negro Leagues he endured a continuous stream of evil from boisterous fans. He didn’t throw chairs, storm the stands, or even flip them off. They deserved it. Instead, he played the game and played it well.

Ron Artest should take a lesson from a true hero.

Ethics, Morals and Republican Hypocrisy

Part 2 in the series Identifying the Real Enemy of America

House majority leader and former exterminator Tom Delay (R, Texas) is in a little hot water. Aside from his typical foibles (which include the usual spate of fundamentalist bigotry) he has apparently found himself in a pickle for allegedly using funds from TRMPAC, a political action committee, to finance legislative elections in Texas. Of course, an accountable Christian like Mr. Delay would offer full disclosure and resolve the controversy for his country and party, and facilitate discourse on the matter.

Tom Delay was voted in during the 1994 Republican takeover of the congress. He and his colleagues offered the “Contract with America” a simple doctrine that would push for various reforms such as term limits, line-item veto etc. One of the cornerstones of the plan was a strong congressional ethics policy. Not bad ideas. In fact, I found myself in agreement with many facets of the Contract.

A decade later we can now implement the power of retrospect to appropriately flag hypocrisy. Let’s focus on the ethics issue. In 1994 the Republican house presented a rules change, indicating that any member of House committees that is indicted for criminal activity must step down during the investigation. Recently three close cronies of Delay have been indicted, the charges look reasonable, there is evidence up the wazoo, and he’s going down next.

So what do the ethical masters of our congress do? Instead of demanding that their own damn rule be enforced if necessary, they circle the wagons to change the rule to protect Tom Delay. Now there is a congressional committee that decides if the indictment is valid, and no immediate need to step aside as their own rule mandates.

Now the wingtip is on the other foot. It is easy to break the rules when they don’t serve your interests anymore.

Why this bothers me: This was the first action of the new legislative session following an election. It shows me that this group that has a “moral mandate” is full of shit. We’ll see a continued power grab and bending of ethics rules. We’ll see unprecedented corruption, all perpetrated by those good religious folk.

Why this doesn’t bother me: It will be a catalyst for change. Clinton was a lying disgrace, America noticed, and now the Democrats are paying for it. Elections are decided by people like me, swing voters that think about issues rather than pulling a level in favor of a party line. We have noticed and the backlash is forthcoming. Maybe the Republicans can make themselves as benign as the Democrats and we can get some real leadership.

What is really funny is that right wing talk show hosts and Bush lovers are defending this. Go ahead. Defend it. Justify it. Slit your own throat. A good Republican (or a good Christian for that matter) would see this for the ethical breach it is and demand that he follow the rules he created. Don’t count on it.

In 2004, steeped in the New World Odor, you can have it both ways.

Musings

I never knew why they called it a "Number 2" pencil until I smelled one.

In football, are the "special teams" the congitively-challenged players?

If Jesus knew how many people didn't acknowledge his resurrection, would he be spinning in his grave?

Xeenah/Kevin Age Convergence

Today my dog and I are the same relative age. Based on her small size and her aging rate at 7.2 years per human annum, our ages converge on November 20, 2004. It took me almost 38 years to get to this point and she has done it in just under five and a half.



We're going to celebrate with some tequila and milk bones, and maybe we'll chase a squirrel up a tree and bark at it. We need to celebrate, as from this day forward our ages quickly diverge. Even though we both are on the slippery slope of time, hers is a little slipperier. Maybe if I take good care of her, feed her the pesto she likes and walk her more often she'll age gracefully and get to put my old-wrinkly ass to sleep someday.

I hope so.

Hail Mary, Full of Part-Skim Pasteurized Cheese Food

At this time, at what what may be a pivotal turning point in world history, the sacred mother of Jesus Christ has appeared again to remind us of her message and our deviant ways. Where you ask? Did she appear amongst warring troops in the urban battle fields of Faluaja, Iraq? In a childrens' cancer ward? In front of an accepting congregation?

No. Believers allege that has used her almighty powers to emboss her vague likeness on a greasy grilled cheese sandwich which is now up for auction on Ebay. I question the modus operandi of the divine. Why is it that Mary and Jesus show up on oil slicks, mud puddles and sandwiches but are conspicuously absent when 3000 people are desperately praying for their lives in a burning, crumbling skyscraper with an exploded jetliner in its side? Believers tell me that unexpected intervention is part of the divine mystery.

To me, the mystery is how a virgin smudge can so inspire capitalistic commerce. Today if you search Ebay with the words "mary" and "cheese" there are 319 items for sale, including the virgin mary's gum and Mary's alleged face in a piece of steak...



Someone is selling an "Anti Virgin Mary In Grilled Cheese Muslim Training Film" as well as virgin mary fat free bologna. The seller expresses "great faith in processed meat". There are t-shirts and bumper stickers, like "I ATE THE VIRGIN MARY GRILLED CHEESE". I thought of "God is Great, Mary is Grated and between Two Slices of Pumpernickle" or something like that.

As is the case, when one miracle occurs people start to pay attention to their food, revealing apparitions that normally go unnoticed. Here are some others:

Elvis on toast



The "Pope Chop"



The late Yasser Arafat on a falaffel



Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen image in grilled cheese


Instead of gracing the buffet it would be good for holy icons to focus their efforts on straightening out this foul planet. Children die everyday from preventable disease and starvation. Instead of showing up on the cheese sandwich, maybe she could show up in Sudan with a bottomless basket of them. Then I'd be sold.

A joke

Christopher "Buck" Jennings calls me and says, " I heard George Bush has a mandate... I didn't even know he was gay."

Fantastic.

A Letter to Dover, PA School President

Recently the Dover, PA schools voted to include a watered down version of Creationsim as part of their science curriculum. I wrote the following response, and encourage you to do the same. Please send your emails to Allan Bonsell, abonse@dover.k12.pa.us

Here is the letter. Feel free to copy as you wish.

Dear Allan Bonsell,

Bad precedent. If the United States is going to maintain any type of world posture in technology and science the Dover Area School District should immediately reverse its decision to include "Intelligent Design" (watered-down Creationism) in its biology curriculum.

We need to make scientific decisions on facts, not beliefs. We need to rely on evidence, not fables. If we as a society find it necessary to obfuscate scientific inquiry and results with hocus-pocus myths our children and our nation will suffer. We are the only nation that insists on pooh-poohing scientific findings. We are the only nation that accepts the words of TV criminal evangelists over scholarly discourse. This will have startling long-term consequences. Of course, none of you care about what happens to this country in 20, 50, 100 years because you believe you'll be sunning in the clouds after the apocalypse. I've heard it now for 30 years and it hasn't happened yet. What if you are wrong!

Agreed, the theory of evolution has gaps, but these are gaps represent challenges to be filled more than holes that indicate its flaws. It is a theory, a solid scientific distillation of analysis of physical evidence. This is what we should teach... make decisions based upon carefully assessed evidence, not what YOU belive. If the Bible was a peer-reviewed work it would never have been published!

The Dover Area School Board members should be ashamed of themselves for jeopardizing the education of the students in their care. It is a dangerous precedent. Today the many people of faith are threatened by declining ranks and pedophiles in their hierarchy. They see planes smashed into buildings in the name of God... and Jesus does not magically appear to stop them. They support killing in other lands, while at the same time demanding the 10 commandments be displayed in public places. They are threatened by facts and their own hypocrisy.

Let's make a deal. Don't bring your religion into my classrooms and I promise not to think in your church.


Sincerely,

Kevin M. F**** Ph.D.

The Real Enemy of Marriage

Part 1 in the series Identifying the Real Enemy of America

The election of 2004 was a momentous event. It was the first time that the Constitution of several states was systematically manipulated from a religious viewpoint to limit the freedoms of others. I’ll give you a minute to digest this.

Pause 60 seconds. Reread, repeat 3x.

Many homosexuals wish to have the same parental, medical, inheritance and property rights of heterosexuals. They have a committed bond, one that some churches are willing to recognize. However, the creeps on the Right that believe that it is their duty to install their beliefs on others and have again reached to the Bible for guidance. They have found the expected mind narrowing concepts bound in bigotry, fear and hate that they usually find.

I could go on for a long time and will at a later time. Today I will only address the issue of the “Sanctity of Marriage”. The Conservatives, the religious Right (frequently one in the same) have decided to adopt the mantra of “Protecting the Sacred Institution of Marriage” and our President has joined the cause. He has promised a proposed amendment to the Constitution and other freedom-taking micromanipulation of a once durable document.

The paradox… Let’s consider the states that supported Bush and also voted for the amendments to ban gay marriage. Here are the statistics as extrapolated from the census data on divorce. They are compared against another excellent measurement of “Traditional Family Values”, teen pregnancy. Jesus tells them to say no, doesn’t always work I guess.



Funny, but the states all bent on “protecting the sanctity of marriage” are those with stellar rates of divorce! They also are “red” states, the states won by George W. Bush in 2004. The teen pregnancy thing is fun to throw in as well, and matches pretty well with the highest states with teen abortions (data not shown, saving for later).

Bottom line is, those that want to preserve the sacred institution of marriage better start practicing what they preach. If it is such a holy, important, god-granted institution, why are they crapping on it? The amazing correlation is between the red states and a map of 1960. Back then the other states believed in another “sacred, god-given institution”… that of slavery. The red states were slave states, the green were not, and the orange could go either way. Wow.

Some of us have come a long way.

"Freezing" in Florida

Roxy and I took Xeenah to San Felasco State Park near Gainesville, FL. The weather is freezing with a wind chill in the low 60's, which means it is time for Roxy to break out the winter sweatshirts and gloves. See picture. Hopefully we'll break out of the deep freeze soon.

Her salon is involved with a local environmental group trying to help bald eagles. They are holding a drive to raise money for toupees and hair extensions. We were out prospecting for potential clients.



There also was an interview in the Tampa Tribune about my work. It was dumbed down for the ordinarians, but still nice. It can be accessed through the following link... tampatrib.com/MGBAZPAWC1E.html

Freedumb, and Who Really "Won"

The other day I was listening to a local radio show. A local called into the show and said, “Why is George W. Bush (God bless him) reaching out for the liberals?... We conservatives won, and they lost, and that is too bad.”

But who really won? Who really lost? To me, only history identifies who the losers trully are as well as the morons are that voted them in. If the Bush II dynasty ended today the history books would only show that President Bush II:

1. Presided over the largest domestic terror attack in history.
2. Failed to apprehend the mastermind behind the plot.
3. Maintained family relations with the country that supplied the hijackers and financed (directly or indirectly) the attack.
4. Invaded a sovereign nation under false pretenses
5. Alienated the U.S. from the rest of the world, except Saudi Arabia, Australia and Great Britain.
6. Drove the national debt to new magnitudes that generations would pay for.
7. Provided a generous tax cut when there is no money in the treasury to pay for it.
8. Failed to veto a single spending bill, even with the support of a Republican Congress.
9. Demonstrated their bravado declaring "mission accomplished" while dressing the goof in a flight suit and landing on an aircraft carrier while thousands of troops would die later.
10. I could go on all day.

This is his legacy as of now, as his first term comes to a close. It is a failure, a complete and total failure. Still he was elected to a second term, proving that you can scare people that cannot balance their checkbooks with an ethnic boogieman, and convince them to make more bad decisions. Stolen from the playbook of Hitler himself. Of course, inept competition helps the cause too.

So conservatives don’t puff up too much at your “victory”, as your victory is likely the perpetuation of an American black eye. In my heart I hope that I am wrong, that W. will change his ways, accept moderate ideas and end the “F-off” stigma that defined Term 1. I doubt it. The aforementioned caller's "we won, you lost" somehow implies a mandate amongst Bush supporters, so get ready for it to go into the crapper. Also it is important for those that do not support the president's policies to take pictures of the Bush-Cheney signs in yards and on car bumpers. I have a funny feeling they will be useful in 4 years (or less) when nobody will admit to supporting his presidency.


I’m afraid that we are about 49% into 8 years that may undo 224 years of great history, based on a visionary Constitution and the drive for freedom for all. Now we are heading for a patchwork, agenda-driven, interest-financed, amended Constitution and Freedumb for all that can afford it.

Sports Geeks Invade UF -- Too Much Time on Your Hands?

The parking lot where I usually park, near the academic laboratory where I spend my weekends, is full on Saturday. 46 weeks a year it is desolate on weekends, but today is a Saturday during football season and I can’t find a place to park.



School spirit is all well and good, but there is a line that defines rabid fandom from general mental illness. Apparently tickets are tough to get for football games, so ambitious alumni finance $100 K recreational vehicles to trek 6 times a year to Gainesville to sit in the parking lot 1 mile away from the game. They proceed to take in the game on small color TVs, nestled in the webbing of Wal-Mart lawn chairs. After the game they spend the night drinking. The silver lining is that you can't get a DUI when you sleep in what you drove in.

It isn’t all just driving far away to watch TV. There is the camaraderie of hanging out in a sports shanty town where you share a common bond with your neighbor. It's time to toss the nerf football and catch it in slow motion with pretend defenders. The generators hum as children play on the pavement and adults sit below team pennants in their school colors. One guy even yelled at me for driving in the parking lot because his kids were riding their bikes there. Time out! Is this a parking lot or a bike path? Still the university puts out garbage cans and welcomes their presence. I like to watch from the window of my lab. I can’t help myself. It is like a social train wreck.

One group drove up in a lumbering SUV, apparently still working their way up to motorhome. They erected a small tent. It was the kind with no walls, just a roof to protect pasty skin from the Florida sun. Beneath it was a fold-up card-table with four folding chairs. It took about 30 minutes for them to complete the set up. Then the four thirtysomethings well on their way to morbid obesity popped the tabs on 4 Bud Lights and shared stories of the Salad Days. The four empties were then stacked in the center of the table and they enjoyed 4 more. After about 20 minutes of sitting, they threw out the empties and tore down the whole ensemble and went to the game.

Football is clearly the most useful of all sports, but when one sits back and looks at the time, money, effort and energy used to pursue it any objective observer must call for a reassessment of priorities. There is a lot of work to be done these days and is sports sickness just a dangerous distraction? Is this the idea? If they can keep us interested in mindless activities we might not realize how screwed up things really are.

homeless vet

I was driving home and there is a guy on the off ramp begging for money with a sign that says, “Homeless Vet – Please Help”. I’m not going to fall for that one. I know animal doctors make a lot of money.

Billard Crow Day, 2004

It is the 94th anniversary of his birth. I was in 5th grade and we had to come up with a story for class. I created a local fable that would become the cornerstone of legend amongst a small group of weirdoes.

As the story goes, a house burned down in the outskirts of Downers Grove, Illinois. The date was November 11, 1911. On that fateful day a family of 13 would perish in the flames, either as a direct consequence of the fire or from trying to rescue family members. It was a grizzly tale for a kid to spin, but my prepubescent brain preferred evil human stories to those conceived by other kids. I didn’t give a crap about super heroes and stuff. I liked the drama uncased in human suffering and triumph.

The downer story had a silver lining. A baby born that day was somehow tossed from the flame and landed in an adjacent thicket. The accompanying poem (Yes, multimedia. Today I would have been institutionalized or at least heavily drugged) went something like this:


Billard Crow Day, by Kevin F., Miss Yates' Class

It was November 11 on the far side of town,

Thirteen lives perished, house burnt to the ground,

Except for the baby, newborn and cast from the flames,

Lay crying in the weeds, Billard is his name,

A flock of black birds gathers ‘round the young child,

Born of the womb… to be raised in the wild.

There was some weird part about birds eating his placenta, but my teacher made me take that out. I don’t even think most kids know what a placenta is.

The story became local legend among us kids. We all waited for 11-11 and at 11:11:11pm something would always go weird. It was possible that weird stuff always happened around us and that we only stopped being idiots enough to notice it because of that moment.

There always was something not right happening. The lights would go out, there would be an explosion—always something not quite right. According to lore, mishaps and evildoings are the work of Billard Crow. We’re 7 years away from his 100 birthday. I might stay inside that night.

Western Woman Killed in Iraq

Roxanne and I were watching the news and they said that American troops have come across the remains of a Western woman. Roxanne asked me how they knew it was a Western woman.

I said that you can tell by the cowboy hat and boots... usually a dead giveaway.

Welcome to the New World Odor

The goal of this blog is to create a durable account of my many thoughts and feelings regarding the continuing process of American Devolution. Since 1990 I have occasionally chronicled my ideas and found them interesting and enlightening in retrospect. Nowadays I am starting to hold others accountable for their primitive ideas and beliefs, and feel it responsible for me to have a hard record so that I may gauge my own intellectual consistency.

Putting ideas into a published forum also allows for discussion and helps me organize and re-evaluate my positions on important issues. This will be critical as we enter the second term of a failed presidency, anemic opposition and the establishment of a new royalty to rule the stupid people that now permeate America. More to come. Welcome to 2004, welcome to the New World Odor.

Oh, I'll put a lot of stupid stuff here too. I have a problem of writing down clever ideas only to find them on the lint screen. I had a whole computer drive of good stuff wiped out too. This might be a bit more stable, at least until the Really Bad Thing happens.