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Neverland Ranch.

$1600 - Wreck a Car or Killl a Person

A friend of mine called me in tears a few months ago. It turns out that a man was killed while riding his bicycle on a rual Florida road. The deceased was her neighbor and someone she admired dearly. He was killed by an 18 year old driver that while "distracted" swerved into the bicycle lane, hit the cyclist and crushed his body. After impact the bicyclist lay conscious, bleeding from the mouth and paralyzed from the neck down. Sources at the scene say that he was irrate that someone would hit him. He did nothing wrong. Later that night he died from massive internal injuries.

He left a wife and a 6-month old son. He was months away from completing a Ph.D.. He was a dear friend to many and admired in his community.

*******

Yesterday the same friend called me in tears. She was hit broadside by an uninsured driver that was operating a car on a suspended license. Her car was disabled at the scene and she just carried liability insurance on her old car. Nobody knows if he was drunk or stoned becuase he tricked her into leaving the scene without calling the cops. Luckily she got his license number.

******

In the second story the police can't do anything because they did not witness the accident. No ticket was issued, no penalty went to the to the uninsured, unlicensed driver that had to drive his car into another.

To avoid any interaction with the police or courts he offered to pay for her repairs.
Today she found out that he will pay $1600 to restore her car to operable.

The same day a judge decided the penalty for the driver that hit and killed the bicyclist. It was $1600, a single fine, payable to the state. Mother and child get nothing. The parallel between the cost to repair a car and the cost to even begin to attempt to right a wrong was eerie. When I heard this I felt injustice, inequity and a complete sense of empty.

Investigation would reveal that the 18 year old that killed the bicylist is the son of an attorney. The victim was a student with a student wife that does not matter in the eyes of the legal system. Disposable.

I can tell you one thing for sure. If the student (or even I) were to hit that son of a lawyer and scratch his car or cause him to harmlessly flinch, I would be in court for the next year. I would be sued, my insurance company would pay out millions and I'd live forever uninsurable.

It ain't fuckin fair.

I Make My Wife Mad, again

My wife is a undeniably fantastic babe. Tonight she looked so good that she inspired a romantic moment. I held her in my arms and told her about the time that I saw her in fishnet stockings and a red vinyl miniskirt... it was 12 years ago. I thought to myself that there is no way I should go out with her because she'll never look better in her life.

My goal was to say that I was proven wrong again and again for 12 years, that she just keeps getting hotter and hotter.

Instead she says, "So you went home and beat off!"

I could have refuted her cold squelching of my romantic advance. Instead I said--

"Yes I did, but first I picked a scab off of my hand and drew a picture of you with the blood, then I spanked it and cried, screaming the name of the presidents in order from Grover Cleveland until the present day".

She punched me super hard and went into the other room and I have not seen her for two hours.

I Make My Wife Mad

Yesterday the judge in the Anna Nichole Smith death trial asked what was best for the five month old baby, and said that he'd make a decision on her behalf.

Before he could get a word in edgewise I said, "Firing squad".

My lovely wife was not pleased. She seems to belive that subjecting that child to a lifetime of greedy evil jagoffs in search of a few bucks pulled from the ample cleavage from her deceased crack whore mom will be healthy and uplifting. Let's face the facts:

Anna Nicole Smith was a dumbshit hillbilly that played her junk just right. She took off her clothes, showed a rich old man the squirrel and then got fat, hooked on drugs and died. It's almost a dead on parallel to the Elvis story only without the old man and the squirrel.

I suspect that Howard Stern was behind the whole thing. He's a scumbag lawyer. He set her up with the old dude, massaged the legality of killing her, faked her son's death on Bahamian soil and then faked her death in a casino, American Indian Jurisdiction. All fishy.

Nonetheless, if the death is real and all comes to pass, that darling baby will be subjected to a lifetime of hurt, pushing and pulling over dollars. Abort now.

Anna Nicole's Dirt Nap

Let's just thank the lucky stars for dangerous combinations of
 prescription drugs!  Now when the meteor hits the earth the oxygen
 will last one 6-  billionth longer now that Anna Nichole Smith has 
liberated her soul from its earthly container.  And in just the nick of time!

See, years ago I knew that that piece of shit would be toast.   So sure of her 
demise was I that I said that I would get an Anna Nichole Smith tatoo on my arm 
if she lived to 40.  Being a man of my word I was rolling up my sleeve.  It was not 
going to be the sexy "Guess?" Anna Nichole, it was going to be the bloated and
jacked crack whore Anna Nichole.  That was THEEEE tatoo. 

Thanks to modern chemistry, I dodged that bullet.   Paramedics loaded her into
 the meat wagon the other day, dead as predicted. 

Someday future generations will open her casket to steal her earthly goods, only to find two big hefty bags of silicone on a pile of dust that tests positive for heroin.

Thanks Anna.  Next time could you take Paris with?