Celebrity Coincidences or Public Manipulation?

Although I am frequently accused of being an effective wordsmith, verbiage does not exist that allows me to effectively describe how much I don't care about Hollywood's elite. Brad and Jennifer, Tom and Katie-- I am embarrassed to admit that I even know their names and relationships. Their captivation of Americans' collective interest and subsequent distraction from real issues heightens my disdain for their existence.

Now it is clear that they are using their celebrity to manipulate stupid Americans. Remember, the first part of "publicity" is "public". Do you really think it is a consequence that Brad and Angelina start grasping for a spotlight right before the release of a self-proclaimed blockbuster movie? Ben and J.Lo. were engaged right before the release of their shitty movie too. Do you see a pattern?

Do you think that Scientologist kook Tom Cruise decided to announce his engagement to someone 20 years his junior right before release to two movies that bare his name? Bullshit! Controversy and gossip are powerfully good in the land of minimal analysis, and humping some recently post-teenage hot box that hasn't had a job since her time on Dustin's Creek gets more press than a cure for cancer. His opinions are as biased and blind as those of any religious nutcase, and his ignorance to real science rivals only that of Creationists. Does anyone find it ironic that "Scientology" has little to do with "Science"? Cruise is an ignorant, arrogant mouthpiece that does not deserve the press he gets.

You'd never know Russel Crowe has a new, failing movie out. He's in the media spotlight for assaulting a hotel concierge. Call me an idiot, but I suspect that Crowe's movie company found paid some loser to let Crowe pound the snot out of him for fifty grand. No press is bad press and this minimal investment keeps the actor and associated movie in the public consciousness.

And you suckers fall for it. In fact, you can't get enough of it. I have to turn off the news, the NEWS, because I am sick of hearing about celebrity romance and half-cocked celebrity opinion. The only place I don't see it is the Weather Channel!

Take a stand. Go out of your way not to see these movies. Don't look at the tabloids and turn off the damn television. Maybe if we ignore them, they will go away.

I'll be watching the Weather Channel or flossing.

Terror Threat Level Soon to Increase

GWB has a problem. Even the thin analysis reveals a contradiction that has him and the Administration in a most difficult position. He tells us the wars are going well. However, if the wars are going well, then the threat of terrorism is diminished. If the threat of terrorism is diminished, then there is less immediacy for wars and other facets of the Bush agenda, namely further societal constraints under the guise of homeland security.

Of course, this is predicated on the baseless notion that the wars are being fought against people linked to terrorism.

Bush Inc. needs to control fear in the populace to make us blindly capitulate, to not question executive actions. No terror, no fear. But if they try to scare us with an announcement of "chatter" or by raising the threat level to tangerine, then we must be losing the wars! We spent $300 billion and 1700 American lives for nothing? At least this is the perception.

He's in predicament that all of his cronies, all of his family money and even his cast of goons can't get him out of.

A quick prediction: the Homeland Security warning system will be elevated to the orange threat level any day now...

Shark Attacks & Low Bush Approval: Harbingers of Terror

On September 10, 2001 the lead story was a recent spate of shark attacks. It was rare and trivial, yet made real by frequent reports. We like to be scared, and the news media portrayed a shark around every corner with a Barney puppet on his flipper, waiting to entice our children into a toothy demise. We also were treated to consistent reports of a sagging economy and low Bush approval ratings. This was the news climate of September 10, 2001.

Today, on June 28, 2005 the news stories are remarkably parallel. Not only have we focused again on the trivial and trite, we have done so from a platform of real problems and destructive actions. The sharks attack, Bush's approval is low, and oil price hysteria is upon us. Support for Bush's war is sagging. We are in the same place, only worse, and the president will address us tonight.

He is in a crappy position. In order to have support for the war he MUST convince us that the bad guys are losing. However, to keep his stranglehold on national security and government control of an idiot populace, he MUST convince us that the evildoers are a formidable threat. Can the president have it both ways? Again he'll retreat to Hitler's playbook and find a way to keep us scared, but convinced that he is making progress, and that $300 billion dollars and 1700 lives were worth it.

His support is lower than the pre 9-11 lows. Americans are focused on sharks. Is it time for the Administration to look the other way again, to invite tragedy to bolster Bush's sagging political agenda? Will a tragedy permit blind public support for a Bush/republican galvinization of laws concerning homeland security, social security and religious manifestation? Is it September 10, 2001 again?

Do the sharks know something we don't?

Nugget Check

Out of Town Clown

Ugh. It has taken me 10 days of being out of town to post the "I won't be writing anything for a bit" note. I'll be back in the saddle in Spuds tomorrow.

A man-friend and I decided to visit Amish fishing haunts and a little known religious clown museum. Over here in Amish Country butter churns are a dime a dozen, but internet connections are relatively rare. I write today from a Starbucks on the way home; from the laptop of a goon that went to grow a tail and asked me to watch his computer.

I am massively thick-headed today after a last night celebration involving my personal consumption of a liter of vodka. However, I get back on the plane(s) today and will be back to semi-daily contributions to New World Odor again tomorrow.

Schmootzie

Abusing the System

Probably the best testament to a broken welfare system is the case of my friends, we'll call them Duane and Karen, mostly because those are their real names. Duane and Karen are old hippies; nomadic travelers flitting from town to town in search of the 1960's utopia that vanished a long time ago. They are old friends from ancient associations with my wife. Their bonds transcend time and make them always welcome.

But this comes with endless frustration. Duane and Karen never wanted to work. It was more fun to be skilled nomads that could turn garbage into a few bucks for a tank of gas. Then the three kids were born in rapid succession, and they grew to be brilliant children. This family lives on almost nothing, the kids are home schooled and they have minimal wants. Everything has to be earned and I respected their ability to pull off living in 2005 America on street smarts, hippy craftiness and benign swindles.

Then I heard of the real story. As it turns out, these two parents have the system all figured out. In fact, they feel really cool because they ripping it off for thousands a month. They know how to get food stamps, lots of them. They know every program where they can obtain aid. They've milked the system for monthly sustenence, and now Duane has discovered the bottomless paycheck of disability.

Disabled? From what? What can't he do now that he was doing before? He's always had a bad case of broken ambition, now he's got someone to pay to support it? So now he gets a check to pay for the fact that he can't do anything because he does not want to. Now I've heard of their latest venture. In California, since he is "disabled", he can grow a finite amount of pot legally for his own use. Of course, he plans to grow the stuff and sell Ol' Mary Jane to make even more money. Somehow the disability hasn't disabled his ability to farm, market and distribute the sweetleaf!

This blows me away. Every two weeks I see the hundreds and hundreds of dollars that go to fund social security and related programs (and corrupt wars). What really bothers me is that his kids have received the wrong message. Instead of being taught to work hard and develop their young skills, they are being taught how to profit from using their energies to find handouts... at MY EXPENSE!

They have even talked a newly-impregated relative into keeping an unwanted pregnancy because they can turn that little mouth into more cash.

I always felt that I would help them out. I looked forward to the day that I could help them buy a house. I wanted to help them and their children. I guess I already am....

Maybe someday he can buy me a house with his drug profits.

Flip Over a 1 Ton Jug of Pancake Makeup?

I write today’s account in anticipation of a Friday verdict in the Michael Jackson trial. Only 13 years ago another Los Angeles verdict was handed down. The exoneration of the cops that beat crackhead / perennial loser Rodney King brought throngs of South Central’s residents out to riot, destroying their own neighborhoods. Reginald Denny still has a headache.

I watch the enthralled Michael Jackson worshippers outside of the court building. They somehow know he is innocent.

Inside I hope for a guilty verdict so I can see them all cry. Maybe I’m evil. Maybe they are stupid.

Probably both.

I wonder what they’ll do when they riot… Any suggestions?

fears

"I'm always afraid that I will become paranoid."
-- Schmootzie


More to come soon. Busy.

Really busy.

S

The Medical Benefits of Liquid Wrench

In the days of soaring healthcare costs I'm always eager to test a home remedy or perhaps invent a new one that I can put online and let some hippy test. Last Saturday I would find the physiological manifestations of Liquid Wrench. delivered orally. I explain.

In my great wisdom I figured in 1998 that CD's were just shiny record albums for the masses that would never catch on. Consequently, my truck was not purchased with a CD player, just the "permanent" format of cassette. Now I've graduated to MP3 player and want to use it in my car, so I have a tape-adapter that fits into the slot, allowing me to play MP3's.

Recently the adapter got all to squeakin' and stopped working, so after enduring crappy broken audio for a month I invested 5 minutes to spray the innards of the adapter with Liquid Wrench. Of course, why bring the adapter to the garage when you can bring the Liquid Wrench to the adapter and spray it in the confines of a truck cab?

I sprayed it, it worked fine. However, when I took a long sip from my hot coffee I noticed the distict essence of Liquid Wrench, a pasty checmical flavor that tainted the coffee's taste. Still, I wanted coffee, so I drank all of it and it tasted crappy to the last drop.

My chapped lips were immediately cured and my throat and tongue were numb, much like a combinaiton of chap-stick and chloraseptic. It persisted for 4 hours.

Soon after, I've cured everything from cottom mouth to poison ivy to jungle rot with the stuff. It's a Vicks Vapor Rub for a new century, a daring medicinal for those dim enough to try it.