Me Against the Elite

The only similarity between me and my rich conspicuous consumption neighbors is that they like a Hummer in the garage and I like a hummer in the garage.

Trashy-Can Idol

Last week I left for work at 7 AM, right when the garbage truck was going down my street. No big deal. As I got to my truck the garbage truck accelerated and and came to a screeching halt at the top of my driveway. I looked, took a step and a grubby trash collector stepped down from his cab. He walked toward me and I was unsure what was wrong.

"Is everything okay?", I asked.

He looked at me with a grin and said, "It is now bro, I've been emptying your recycling every week for a year and I just wanted to meet the guy that is hands down either the coolest party guy in the neighborhood or the most supreme alchy around."

I told him that he was right on both counts. We figured it was 5 o'clock somewhere so he stopped the engine and we sat on the deck for a couple of cold ones. He said that my recycling bin always had the most empty beer bottles, at least one handle bottle of hard liquor and a wine bottle or two. He was impressed by the amount of consumption going on at the address and always hoped to meet the people behind the carnage.

He was surprised to learn that it was just me, that my wife didn't drink and that I sometimes would have work parties but not very often. He was impressed when I told him about my real career and that booze was simply medication, taming the stress and easing the pain.

We cracked a final beer and he took a few with him on his can emptying path.

It was cool to know that I had a fan, someone in an awful job that was so impressed that he had to stop and meet the legend. That's pretty cool.

Wishful Thinking

If Mary had the option of pro-choice, the world would be a much less violent place.

Assholes in Charge

Right when airports and airlines have been proven to completely suck I found the biggest ASSHOLE move in aviation history. I’m stuck in Cincinnati Covington Airport and my laptop battery is dead. I have a lot of time on the layover so I look for an electrical outlet. None can be found, and those that are still in the wall are covered with a plate. WTF?

After searching for about 20 minutes I found the “Charge Cart” a station that will SELL you a charge for your iPod or laptop. Hey airport, Fuck YOU! If you look at the fine print on your ticket you’ll see that you pay quite a bit for airport use aka Landing Fee. Electric use should be included. I’m not going to stick my credit card into a slot and pay $3 for a few milliwatts of power, especially when it was delivered to the airport on lines that the taxpayer paid for.

Unfortunately for them they don’t realize who they are dealing with. How is the “Charge Cart” powered? Ahhh… A quick check behind the unit reveals the 110 volt electrical outlet. I unplugged the Charge Cart and plugged right in, fast and free. Again I am in America.