The Saddest of All Films

Last night I watched the most tragic, horrifying and upsetting film I've ever seen-- and I've seen a few. The difference is, this one was based on reality. The story is Enron, the Smartest Guys in the Room, based on the book by Bethany McLean (yes, the same woman that was the namesake for the failed 'hot stays hot, cold stays cold' McDonald's burger).

The story describes the complicated and systematic ripoff of the shareholders and employees by the leaders of a multi-billion dollar house of cards. Based on bogus books, a handful of corporate heads stole billions. They faked the growth of a company, pumped up the stock price, bought other companies with the bogus stock value, and then they all cashed in their shares as the price crashed. Of course, the guy working for 20 years on power lines lost everything. One man saw his 401K go from $350,000 to $4500. Meanwhile, the people in charge made hundreds of millions.

The movie is great because it is a documentary where brazen corporate heads brag of their fortunes and how great the company is. George Bush and George W. Bush are filmed talking to Enron cronies "they never met" and thanking them for all they've done for the Bush family. Enron was the largest corporate contributor to the Bush 2000 campaign. Essentially elected with the stolen retirement money of tens of thousands of workers.

Justice has not been served on this matter and in my mind never will be, at least by the courts. One plea bargain netted Andrew Fastow only 10 years, at which time he may live out his life with the hundreds of millions he embezzled. Lay, Skilling and the rest will likely fare well through the courts and will get less time than a black guy that was busted with a joint.

Luckily, they screwed so many people that they will be forced to live in seclusion for life. I know that if someone stole $400,000 from me I'd see them again very soon, through the site of a high-powered rifle.

One good turn deserves another.

Radio Redemption

The consolidation of radio stations have left us with a dial full of sucky shit. Over the last 10 years the best thing on the radio has been some goon talking about how sexy the naked lesbians in the studio are. That was edgy-- attention whores and wanna-be strippers taking their clothes off for a microphone.

The advent of podcasting brought redemption. While many thought that sattelite radio would be the death of FM, clearly podcasting is the superior format. Here diverse quality works from any radio market can be captured and replayed at one's convenience.

I discovered the Penn Jillette radio show on Free FM (penn.freefm.com). The show features the larger and more vocal of the Penn and Teller Vegas act, and provides a forum for his rants. This show is the best thing I've heard in years. I download the 43 minute daily show to my MP3 player and listen 20 min on the way to work, 20 on the way home, 3 in the driveway, all commercial free.

It is indeed good that there is a beacon of hope for the listener fed up with dittohead pundits, repetitive corporate crap rock and retarded shock jocks. Finally, a show I can handle.

Airport Assholes

Few annoyances rival flight delays. Airports nowadays are notorious for postponed, cancelled and delayed flights, traditionally due to weather, mechanical issues and bombs. This was always a residue of getting somewhere by plane and an expected hurdle to negotiate.

Nowadays flights are cheap and any asshole that can rub two nickels together can get a seat on one. Now it is even more affordable, as a trip from Atlanta to Chicago and back costs less than three tanks of gas.

Couple the increase in delays with the increased number of losers and it makes an intolerable situation for ol' Schmootzie. Last week I was flying a regional carrier and the flight was cancelled. They claim "mechanical reasons" but the fact is that they had a half-full flight at 1:23 and a half-full flight at 3:02, so they figured they could combine them and save some dollars. That's fine. I know they are bleeding dollars.

However, the news was not taken lightly by the hordes in the terminal. The general disappointment felt by all of us was punctuated by the purposefully-loud whining of several white, obsese women. One in particular was so upset that the airline did not put us on a bus and drive us to Atlanta for dinner. She was not missing many meals and my guess is that if we were trapped in the terminal forever she'd survive the longest off of reserves.

Still her continuous cries filled the air at D31 and I was ready to strangle her.

Once on the plane she's the one that insists on eating a stinky gyro, takes her shoes off and then walks to the bathroom every 10 minutes. She's the one that flips off that seatbelt the minute the sign is turned off so she can wait in the aisle standing. She's the one that wants off first, even though others are in a hurry and she has nowhere to go.

Flying is a necessary evil but I can't stand doing it. I wish they could have a section of the plane called "no class". Show NASCAR videos, offer unlimited doughnuts and Bud Light. Pack all of them into that section and seal it off so the B.O., smoker's coughs and loud mouths stay out of my compartment.

MyBillofRights.org

Check out this website and send them a few bucks. Comedian and juggler Chris Bliss had a vision. Rather than remove the Ten Commandments from public places, he wants to raise money to build a monument to the Bill of Rights adjacent to each display of the Ten Commandments.

This is brilliant. No dyed-in-the-wool dittohead is going to vocally oppose the Bill of Rights, after all, it gives the right to bear arms and their lockstep NRA support leaves them obligated to support the document. Simultaneously, anyone that looks at the Ten Commandments and the Bill of Rights side by side realizes that the real basis for American law is a no brainer. One takes freedom and punishes vindictively, the other extends and guarantees freedom.

The mission is a valiant one. He reminds us that politicians put their hand on the Bible to uphold the Constitution, not put their hand on the Constitution to uphold the Bible.

In a day when people can name more Simpsons characters than articles in the Bill of Rights, it is no wonder why 51% of the nation condones torture, wire taps, and search and seizure. I think Chris Bliss has a brilliant idea. It is a great opportunity to remember that our freedom comes from individual rights, and not the oppressive chains of religious intolerance.

MyBillofRights.org

The Best Part of Easter

The best part of Easter 2006 is when I wished my parents a "Happy Spring Holiday". I figure they are so upset about "Happy Holidays" as a generic, inclusive salutation to recognize that not just kkkristians celebrate kkkristmas, that they'd hit the ceiling when I secularized Easter.

And boy did it work! They were fully irritated that wondered why I would say such a thing. I said, "It's everywhere down South... they've taken the Christ right out of Easter".

Monday morning came with copies of emails to representatives, suggesting that there be a constitutional amendment "to protect Easter and the commemoration of Christ's resurrection, a central tenet of our Christian nation".

Wouldn't that be a joy for future generations? Wouldn't it be great to actually amend the fabric of our nation to include protection for zombies? Eternal life by ass!

They also criticize Easter, but LOVE that President Bush holds the Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn. I'm sure that doesn't cost a billion dollars.

So on it goes, more creative ways to tick off the paranoid believers that suspect in the recesses of their brains that there is no man behind the curtain and don't want anyone to point it out.

NWO Updates

There have not been any! The fact is, I was saddled with a class to teach this semester. It is a rather advanced topic and requires about 5-10 h of solid prep time before each class. When it meets 3 times a week it is like having another full-time appointment.

I've had a million topics banging around in my coconut and finally I'll get them down. Please check back shortly.

Jesus' Bogus Friday

Good Friday? I've got a box of 16-penny nails that says that at least one guy in history wasn't too thrilled about the whole thing.