Merry Fucking Christmas

Next year I have to call my family and rearrange the concept of Christmas. We'll all get on speaker phone, flush $500 down the toilet and then hit ourselves in the head with a claw hammer.

It will be one less painless.

Mountain Climbers Lost...

Just as I don't wonder why someone is killed when attacking a sting ray, I also don't know why people are so curious about the mountain climbers dead/dying on Mt. Hood. Sure, I sound like an evil asshole, but what did they expect? It is a mountain. You are defying gravity, temperature, etc to look death in the eye and sneer in its face.

Sometimes death wins. That's a fact that is understood and apparently makes the whole thing more exciting.

So for nerds to get their rocks off the taxpayer gets the bill for search and rescue. This one will be a few million bucks. Hopefully they'll pass it along to their families to pay.

One of the climbers has a heartbroken mother that is always on television. She keeps asking the mountain to give back her son. She says that God will protect them and watch over them. I guess he's not doing such a hot job with at least one of them!

I'm not into extreme sports. I might be into extreme drinking and understand that I'll likely drop dead at any time while severely intoxicated. That's the risk I choose. Nobody else suffers and nobody has to solve my problem-- my wife just has to get me into a bag and into the garbage can.

Basically, if you have to do extreme sports, do it at your own risk. Don't expect me, the taxpayer, a mountain or guardian angels to sort it out for you.

Zappa Plays Zappa

If you were looking for a nerd to wedgie on Monday, Dec 11, chances are you came up blank. On this day an impulse pried $60 from their semen stained paws in exchange for a ticket to yesteryear... a dream date with Frank Zappa's remains. The nerds in line for a playstation had to get out to go to the Hard Rock Live in Orlando, a sparkling venue in the vacinity of Disney.

His artistic remains were displayed on stange for all to see, piloted from his son Dweezil. Appropriately, the show was not about Dweezil. He stood center stage but was merely an accessory of Steve Vai, Terry Bozzio, David St. Hubbins and Napoleon Murphy Dynamite.

The former Mothers rocked the house, along with heathy nput from

I'm all wasted,, 2-moorrow I finish.