Behold the Power of Flushing a Holy Book

The recent Newsweek post about flushing a Koran down a toilet has raised the ire of Muslims worldwide. In the staunchly un-American spirit of intellectual consistency I condone putting ALL holy texts down toilets, especially to evoke discourse or achieve a meaningful end. Defacing, flushing and burning of spiritual/national/political icons is as American as killing innocent populations, so I endorse all forms of Holy Book destruction, whether the Koran incident truly happened or not. I also am curious as to what kind of plumbing fixture can handle a book-sized load without clogging because I'd like to install one over at the Big Top. Schmootzie likes a big pancake breakfast.

Over the past several decades I've enraged rednecks with sporadic desecrations. My old band "Red Lobster Cult" tore up and burned a bible on stage each time we played. My other band, "Insane War Tomatoes" painted a giant dollar sign onto an American flag where it was mishandled and stomped on before it was rubbed about the "Flaming Tube of Love" a flame-throwing phallus strapped to my pelvis. I've put a Buda down my pants to enahnce my manly package. In all these cases I've enraged Americans with stretching the interpretations of free speech, and don't have a problem with it.

In my mind icons are only as good as the substance that elevates them. The Bible, the Koran, Jesus statues, elvis paintings, tikis, pyramids, the Hollywood elite, George W. Bush, and all other empty vessels that are dutifully worshipped by brainwashed minions are ripe targets for flushing, burning, defacing and bottom wiping.

I'll tell the Muslim Community what I tell hillbillies and NAS-tards in the "Try to Burn This One" shirt -- GET OVER IT. It is a damn symbol, a thing, a replaceable, tangible thing. It is not magic, it has no special powers. Icons, documents, flags and standards are only as powerful as the true virtues they represent. Judging from the actions of many in today's world, there is little evidence that many of them are fit for little more than a snotrag.

It is the blind worship of icons that makes them effective tools of my protest. When I piss on a cross or Bible, people get upset. When I draw boobies on President Bush or wear the flag like a diaper, people are enraged. That is why non-violent actions are so effective-- they attack the symbols that assholes blindly worship for their bogus intrinsic value.

You Neo-Con religious kooks can go ahead and make a Schmootize dart board. Print my photo on toilet paper and wipe your hiney with it. I don't care. My substance is in my thoughts and how I put them into action. Everything else is just a symbol.