We Are Illegal Drug Users

My wife and I were getting sick. We could feel the tickle in the back of our throats, the low-grade fever, the pain in the ears. We grew ill after a month of watching co-workers and colleagues crash with similar symptoms. Everyone was missing work and miserable. We thought we had evaded the bug.

Neither of us could afford to be sick, we both had responsibilities and deadlines that needed to be met. Acting preemptively and with a mind toward prophylaxis, we rested, ate well and loaded up on vitamins. No dice. The mercury in our ancient thermometers inched higher. This was clearly a classic throat, sinus and ear infection, and a quick dose of antibiotics would help limit the severity of the symptoms and illness progression. We would seek medical assistance.

I called my doctor's office and they told me that the doctor could see me on March 18th at 2:30. They could not prescribe antibiotics without an office visit. Roxy called her doctor's office figuring we could get 'his and hers' amoxicillin. Her doctor was out of town and the office could not prescribe antibiotics, again without an office visit.

Both of us had to be well, yet the system that grants us wellness was unable to accommodate. We turned to the underground illegal drug trade to score illegal drugs so we could maintain our health.

A friend has a friend that has a friend that is a drug rep. He was able to find us a box of antibiotic samples. These weren't just regular antibiotics, they were Cipro, primo shit, the stuff they use to combat anthrax infections.

Under the cover of darkness we met him in the parking lot of a local shopping mall. I produced $20 in unmarked singles for his time and willingness to fuel our sick addiction to health. We made the exchange. That night Roxanne and I got loaded on Cipro and went to sleep. The next day I took a double dose. By mid-day, our symptoms were gone. We returned to work, outlaws.

Now my wife and I have degenerated from do-gooder contributors to society to illegal drug scofflaws. Under the current War On Drug laws, our home, cars and stuff could likely be seized and we could go to jail. Thank goodness for our small government that stays out of our personal business!

Isn't it great to have the freedom to make decisions about your own health and body and have a health-care system so willing to support them?