Dear Diary(hea)

After finding my 33 feet of my lower GI in the toilet Roxy and I gathered up my innards into a 5 gallon bucket and I squatted over it until we arrived in emergency room. Turns out that my alleged bout with Ebola was just a freak fluorescent light tube accident. I don't know if it was because I didn't look where I was sitting somewhere or because I changed the tubes last week with no pants on. All I know for sure is that my prolapsed alimentary canal was skillfully packed back into its vessel by talented physicians and all is well. It still hurts a bit to sit down, but they told me that I am polyp free!

I'm enjoying a bottle of VO and lots of painkillers. Tomorrow I shall return to my typical daily inane commentary.