2006: The Year of AssertiveMan

The New World Odor achieved unexpected hiatus, owed mostly to a bittersweet visit to my boyhood haunts of the Chicago area. In 17 days I completed a mountain of uninterrupted work, saw an old friend tie the knot, met with more old friends that are going exciting places, visited family and others that ride life’s foibles like a broken record and some dear people I won’t see again except in a well-appointed box. Needless to say, the mix of good and bad, happy and horrendous, has left my soul stretched like a overtaxed rubberband. I’m an emotional wreck, so bad it is at the point where booze will only make it worse. That bad!

The trip was punctuated by Three Assholes, a triad of evil twits that graced my presence in deplorable ways. In a flurry of regret I sit now wishing I would have taken action against all. All cases were minor crimes against my insignificant humanity, and certainly if there was an atrocity I think I’d stand up and say something. These were minor annoyances, yet unpleasantries that should not have occurred. I watched them unfold, against my judgment. In one case I even asked my wife if I should go do something and she told me that I should stay out of it.

2006 will be my superhero year. I’m going to be AssertiveMan, half citizen, half counter-asshole asshole. I can fight fire with fire with the best of them and I’m not physically afraid of repercussion. My quick wit and evil disposition represent a sturdy shield.

This is the year when I sharpen the tongue and dull the judgment. I’m going to solve more problems than I start and give pause to some pricks that need to simmer down. Tomorrow I will tell you about the Three Assholes.