Schmootzie in Vegas (again)

For some reason many events in my life make me go to Las Vegas. There is no place I would rather not be. Now I arrive at 1AM to 109 degree heat and take a $30 cab ride to a creepy hotel filled with displaced souls. People are walking around like zombies and I think they are in the same group that I am in. See, we're scientists, thrifty people that understand math and probability, and ne're a gambler among them. They might as well as had our technical meeting in Amish country.

I don't know who the brainstem was that thought a meeting in Vegas would be perfect for July. It is hot, and the only humidity in the air is what dissipates from your skin as you are dessicated to a pringle just by taking a short walk. Visine, chap-stick and pants are a must, as all exposed orifices dessicate quickly. Today I urinated a urea pellet.

Other funny stuff that happened:

** In the airport I sat across from a woman that I recognized from somewhere. After 20 minutes I realized that she looked exactly like Lacey Peterson, then I remembered that Lacy didn't have a head or limbs.

** Ever since my friend told me that housekeeping crews scrub their butt with your toothbrush if you leave the room messy, I've cleaned my hotel room before I let anyone clean it. Here they have envelopes to leave tips and I fear that if my gratuity is short, that my toothbrush might get a scrubbin'

** I forgot my toothpaste and went to Walgreen's to get a new tube. For some reason I caved into the whimsy of some sick sonofabitch and the associated failed focus groups and bought a giant tube of "Walgreen's Vanilla Mint Toothpaste". It is like brushing your teeth with frosting.

** I'm not into gambling, so I played the coin changer for three hours and broke even.

I still don't like Vegas.