God Hates Scouts

Over the last few years there has been a lot of discussion about some boys not being allowed to join the Boy Scouts because they did not believe in a higher power. This week several scouts were reminded that a higher power does exist... And it's name is Voltage.

"Be Prepared" is the motto of the scouts, yet somehow someone forgot to pack the insulated pliers and the weather radio. In two separate annual "Jamborees" scouts have been killed via electrocution.

Heat stroke has affected many more. So poor were the weather conditions that our great president blew them off. In a continuing pattern Bush knew the situation would be uncomfortable so he didn't show up to hang with a large group of males in olive green clothes. This is a bad idea, because you want to recruit the kids that crave a structured paramilitary regimen as early as possible.

X24 points out adequately that there's not an eagle scout he ever met that he could not kick the crap out of. I concur. I picked up ol' Marty Nochowitz by the scarf and shoved him into a locker when he was trying to show off his "Gloria Dei" badge. He's still probably picking out that wedgie! What a loser!

Admittedly, I was a Cub Scout and thought it was cool. Then as I turned 11-12 years old I heard rumors about my scoutmaster's van. Then I heard that I'd be graduating from Cub Scouts to Webelos. Say that ten times fast and tell me if you think it is as thinly veiled as I do.

Let's face it, any time you put a bunch of guys into an organization with secret handshakes, merit badges and solemn oaths it is a recipe for disaster. Put the whole thing at an event called a "Jamboree" and it's like the Klan has gone gay.

Perhaps all the discussion about the scouts and their exclusionary, homophobic practices can be revived now that the Almighty has spoken. Clearly He's using His tools to remind the scouts that they aren't doing something right.

All scouts surviving Jamboree 2005 were awarded a new merit badge.