And "F" Dominick's Finer Foods...

Recently I had to drive from my home in Spuds, FL to Chicago, IL. It was not a happy time, a funeral of a clown-college mentor and supremely cool guy. I was not in a good mood going in, plus I was overcome by 17 hours of highway hypnosis and its coincident road rage. I longed to be severely wasted, so I bought a bottle of Stoli Vanilla Vodka and went to find some diet ginger ale. Together they would make a concoction that resembles creme soda.

I had the vodka in hand, then stopped at Dominick's Finer Foods, a facet of the Safeway chain of grocery stores, to buy ginger ale. I found the Canada Dry ginger ale on sale, $2.50 for 12 cans. I traveled to the register and waited in line to pay.

The old hen in front of me paid with a fucking check which left every other lane open except mine. Finally I stepped up to the register to find that my $2.50 12 pack is somehow $4.09.

I carefully inquired that the item was to be acquired at a reduced price, as specified by the placard that coincided with the item's shelf location.

Then the pizza-faced twit ringing the register tells me, "You need the Fresh Values Card to get the discount".

I explained that I was fresh off of a lengthy cross-country junket and wished to obtain the beverage for the reduced price. I told him that a funeral brought me to his fine town and that I did not possess a "Fresh Values" card.

He told me that if I wanted the sale price that I had to apply for one.

I again explained that it would indeed be a kindhearted occasion to assist a fellow man at a dire moment, and that his small gesture would be well received.

"Sorry, you need the card".

That was it. Without a word I pulled $5 from my pocket and slammed it to the conveyor belt, pressing it down with my hand. He went take the five bucks and tugged lightly at it, but it was not going anywhere.

His eyes met mine and I stated quietly, "Give me the fucking discount you son of a bitch".

One hour later I was still pissed off, but I was hammered and getting hammereder. Although I find I usually get my way by being logical and polite, sometimes I need to be a prick to get things accomplished.