Fermented Magic

A magical transformation occurred. A tub of urine-colored liquid was inoculated with fungus and left to rot. A week later it went into bottles with sugar. A week later, I drank it. It was my first foray on the road to becomming a brewmaster.

Few would argue that I have not mastered the consumption of beer. Unfortunately I live in Northern Florida and if you don't want Miller Lite, Bud Lite or Coors Lite you're screwed. After over a decade of contemplating making my own, I finally did it.

As mentioned earlier, homebrewing is a geek sport, a way to spend a lot of money to make frothy pee water. I avoided it because I didn't like the stigma and I'd rather be drinking it than making it. It turns something enjoyable into work. In 2006 I broke down and did it.

I made the first batch. Two gallons of home-made intoxicant; controlled spoilage in the interest of generating something to make one feel funny. I bottled it into screw-top bottles and set them in a dark place. For two weeks I patiently waited.

I opened the first one. No "Psssssst" of carbonation. It turned out to be flat. I drank it anyway and it were good. Very good. Flat, but gooooooood.

Since it was flat I needed to open another. It too was flat. I had to drink it. I tried the next-- no carbonation. I couldn't dump it, so I drank it. This progression went on for two gallons of homebrew and I was wasted. The all were flat, so I need to revise my bottling scheme.

I can make a case of beer for about $6.00. 256 ounces, 2.25 gallons, almost 6 liters.

I will never buy beer again.