New Socks.

To the average person, new socks are no big deal. To me, it is a major financial outlay and reason of great consideration.

Today I thank a 5-foot tall Mexican guy named Rodrigo for introducing me to the world of womens' high-performance hosiery. Over the past 2 years I have been trying to buy new socks. Seriously, this is a major undertaking because I have to like them (materials, fit, durability) and I want all of them to be the same. Bad socks are like a headache, a persistent problem that lowers my net performance. Socks are the root of stable success.

I looked in stores... retail socks are too thick and wooly and too expensive. I wanted paper thin, sheer socks, hopefully spun of a natural fabric. However, they can't be too thin, they need to be a solid color.

I looked on Ebay.... Sure you can buy socks cheap there, but I freaked out when I saw some guy's big dumb feet in dirty socks, trying to sell them to fetish weirdos. I could not stop thinking of a freaky guy with a sock on his snoot soaked in chloroform sucking in fumes from a dirty stocking obtained from on-line auction while he was Burpin' the Worm.

Finally I was trapped in San Diego at a mall. While my wife tried on shoes in a fancy shoe store, I asked the shoe flunky if they sold socks. He showed me the men'socks. All too thick. He suggested that I check the womens' socks, and I did...

They were thin and stretchy, soft and absorbent, a cotton-lycra blend that maintained their density even while stretched... nirvana.

I asked if they would fit, and Rodrigo told me, "I have them on right now".

I bought one set of three and wore a pair each day, for three days.

On the fourth day you could have found me at the Fashion Valley's "Aldo", buying 3 more sets of 3 pairs of socks. I now own 12 pairs, that's 24, women's socks.

I am comfortable with this. Their healthy sheen and lycra durability are inherently manly, despite being crafted for the fairer sex. It is my little secret. I passed out drunk with them on the other night and was badgered into lovin' escapades with the woman. She found it exceptionally fulfilling, and I wonder if the gentle lycra squeeze on my extremedies kept my circulation pooled to the groin.

I still favor boxers to briefs and probably not going to explore the underwearic treats that women's clothing offers. I've managed to deal with wearing chick socks and I think it ends there. I guess we'll see.