Banned Blood

The letter said that my donated blood tested positive for hepatitis B, and that I was permanently eliminated from the donor pool.

I used to give blood on a monthly basis. I called them the "van-pires" the group of phlebotomy phlunkies that drove to various places to take blood in the self-proclaimed "BLOODMOBILE". I'd squeeze out a pint and then they'd give me a free t-shirt, an orange juice and a muffin. What's not to like? Sometimes they had pizza!

In my life I've easily given 20 gallons, supplying transfusions everywhere with my mildly uncommon bloodtype. Then I get the letter... The hepatitis B letter.

I freak out because I think that I've got the Pam Anderson disease and that my eyes will turn yellow from a virus and not drinking-associated liver failure. Turns out that HepB is not a huge deal if you can tackle it with the immune system.

I visit my doctor, she repeats the test, no free pizza, no t-shirt, no HepB, never had it.

I called our blood donor center and told them-- I faxed them the results. They don't care. Once you are eliminated you are gone for good. I can kiss goodbye the free pizza and the stream of "I Gave" t-shirts.

I still am in the Bone Marrow Donor Database so at least they'll take that stuff. No free pizza or t-shirts, just a massive pain in the pelvis.

Luckily I can still get my bloodletting through leeches, applied by a well-equipped barber over in St. Augustine. Seems a shame the ample fluids of a healthy volunteer are not wanted.