Mr. Salty = Mr. Stinky

Jie was a graduate student from China in my lab. We worked closely on similar projects and always ended up sharing the same space. In the Spring of 1993 I was learning that I was lactose intolerant-- the hard way. If I drank milk or ate milk products I'd emit vapors from every orifice, evil vapors, SBD.

To be polite, I would stand by the laboratory's fume hood which would vacuum transport my offal up into the atmosphere, probably burning a hole in the ozone. The system worked flawlessly, until one day I ate a container of yogurt. My colon inflatulated but someone was using fume hood for legitimate science, precluding its use in smell quenching.

The next best option was the walk-in cold chamber. I ran into the chamber and let it fly, thinking that the ambitious air exchange would vent my stench. Before I got to the "Ahhhhhh", Jie walked into the growth chamber. Her face shriveled with sourness and these words left her mouth...

"Smell like pretzel!"

The insuing gut-busting laughter only caused release of more Chinese-pretzel-smell gas in the room. I was so sick from laughing and farting that I collapsed on the floor and almost blacked out.

I've never been to China, but if I go I know I can cross pretzels off of my potential snack food list.