I'll Get Rich by Not Opening a Porn Shop

The I-75 corridor connects Tampa FL to the Georgia state line. Its length is punctuated by hundreds of signs advertising the numerous strip clubs and adult book stores.

Last year a keen entrepreneur wished to open a porn store in Alachua, FL at the busy intersection of I-75 and Route 441. Religious groups rallied against his endeavor and the Alachua City Council pulled every trick in the book to stop it. In the South, printed matter deemed offensive by Charley Church is either thrown on the kindling pile or a disclaimer is glued to the cover. Yet the adult-bookstore-owner-to-be filed everything correctly and was legally entitled to peddle his smut.

Dejected, the City of Alachua resorted to a good-ol-fashioned payoff to stop him. They gave him $24,000 to go somewhere else. He accepted.

***side note*** the roads, schools, sewers, and parks still suck in Alachua and there's no money to fix them, but there officially isn't a jack-mag dealer, so all is well.

I could use a little pin money, so I drafted a letter to the City of Alachua making them an offer they can't refuse. I agreed to not open a porn store for $5,000. Their preemptive acceptance would spare us all the un-niceties of dealing with courtrooms and lawyers and such.

I'm writing parallel letters to hundreds of municipalities across the Bible Belt. The anticipated revenues should be in the millions.

I then realized that a huge number of farmers receive subsidies to limit, or not grow specific crops. I may be a millionaire if I agree to not engage in farming altogether.

Essentially, I have again defined another path to the New American Dream, getting rich by doing nothing at the government's expense.