Insurgent Fashion Don'ts
Contributed by Mr. Scorpio, Deparment of Homeland Garmentry
I have watched the US-dominated urban fire fights to control Iraqi cities and one thing is for sure-- American soldiers look like fine soldiers of the future, festooned in the latest high-tech fashion and accessories. The enemy, well, let's just say they don't elevate the state of combat frock. In fact, it sometimes looks less like we are fighting an insurgent army and more like we are fighting the Salvation Army!
While some men opt for the traditional dishdasha robe, it is not ideal combat garb. Even a tea-length cut is easy to trip over when fleeing, and that conspicuous red-and-white-checked headscarf behind the sniper rifle is as clear as Oprah's rump in her Christmas thong. Cripsis people! Guerrilla warfare has a macho grungy flair and you ain't got it. Nobody fears a man in a dress, especially when you accessorize like a fasting Kurd, pa-leeeze! You are working your way UP to orange jumpsuit!
Today's metrosexual urban combatants opt for that outfit that only looks good on a stunning black man. You know the look, 80's rugby shirt, bananna-yellow Sansabelt pants and strappy sandals. It's a fine ensemble if you're going to jerk me a slurpee, but hardly ideal for sporadic exchanges of fire when holed up in a beseiged mosque! And the white belts! Damn people, Eid ul-Fitr has come and gone and that stuff should have been tossed in the Tigris by Labor Day.
And what's with the bag over the head? The stuffy Middle East heat and recylcled impure air is a breeding pool for blackheads. Your comrades will be out setting roadside rockets and you'll be extracting nose-side pus pockets. Winston Churchill himself once said, "A critical part of liberation is microdermabrasion" and that too is in the Bush Master Plan.
In short, if you are going to wrangle with the blue-eyed infidels you'll want to look fabulous doing it. The world's cameras are on you fellas, so vogue for it. Don't worry, after you vote next month you'll have Abercrombie on every point of the Sunni Triangle and Gucci will open throughout the Shiite Rhombus.
Submitted with love, peace out,
Mr. Scorpio
posted by Schmootzie @ 1:57 AM
3 Comments:
hahahaha! Mr. Scorpio, I needed that. I've been depressed since December 12, 2000, and then I hit an unbelievably new low on November 3, 2004. My laugh-o-meter has not registered anything for weeks. (well maybe a little blip when President Bunnypants gave out those medals to Tenet, Bremmer and Franks. It was then, and only for a moment, that I did get a bit hysterical, but then the meds kicked in and I've been in an even nonemotional funk since then.
Thank you for letting my face remember what it is like to have my mouth turned upward. That felt almost hopeful. But, of course, I don't mean to get too giddy, here.
What can we make of this?
http://www.hist.umn.edu/~ruggles/Approval.htm
President Bunnypants has the lowest approval rating of any re-(s)elected president in US history...
Isabella di Pesto
Here's more on President Man-Date:
Back by unpopular demand
Come next month, Bush's Inauguration Day approval ratings may be the worst of any president in modern-day history.
By Eric Boehlert, Salon.com
Dec. 21, 2004 |
Republicans like to brag about the sweeping mandate that President Bush received on Election Day. But as he prepares for his second term, Bush approaches Inauguration Day with historically weak job-approval ratings, according to a series of new opinion polls. Unless there's a dramatic turnaround in public sentiment between now and Jan. 20, Bush will be sworn into office with the lowest job-approval rating -- barely 50 percent -- of any president in the last 80 years, or since modern-day presidential polling began.
I think they do look fabulous. So fabulous that Amerikans are copying them. You make it sound like it's an accident that urban hip hop people look like insurgents, but nope:
http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2008-04-29/delevingne-militantfashion.html
Also, they're very deliberate about what they wear. The scarves prevent them from being identified, and the clothing is very comfortable. Have you ever tried running around in a tunic? I have, and I've never tripped.
I came across this blog while trying to find out how to look like them (I like the North African insurgent style better than the Taliban's). :D Typed in "insurgent fashion."
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