A Thanksgiving "Upper Decker"

Schmootzie has two sisters, both younger, and both accustomed to having their way. It was greuling growing up as the enlightened big brother, always having to submit to the whimsy of misguided siblings. Their antics were embraced, their shortcomings excused, and their revelry in mediocrity was endorsed with great fanfare.

Now they are disfunctional adults, 38 and 26, both living under the financial care of a parental safety net. They are hardly autonomous, free-swimming parasites like Schmootzie.

One of them decided to leave the country for Thanksgiving and told the family to watch her semi-retarded dogs. No problem, except for the fact that she lives a zillion miles away from everyone. The last thing my mom, dad or sister needs is to work all day and then drive to BFE to let my sister's dogs out to crap.

Still, my older sister went to the younger sister's house to let out the dogs. She called me in disgust, "You would not believe what a mess this place is, she's horrible to make me do this".

Being a good big brother, I offered my suggestion to extract some sense of revenge-- leave an "upper decker".

For those of you that do not share my toilet vernacular, an upper decker is defined as the act of depositing one's bodily waste into the upper tank of a toilet. Upon flushing it will stream into the bowl, usually ripe and foul with age.

I'm not sure, but I think my older sister might have pinched a deuce into the upper deck.

When younger sis returns from distant lands she will return to a stinky bathroom, and upon a familiar flush will unleash the fermented effluvia of a raunchy colonic discharge.

She'll probably point a finger at her clown brother. However, he lives 1000 miles away and is not capable of such feats. The terror should keep her awake at night. It will be an important day, the day that a mysterious event captivates her thoughts and haunts her existence. It will make her a better person, I'm not sure how, but I think it might.