Medicine Cabinet Snoopers

Part 1 in the Series "Why Chris is Cool"

My friend Chris does not appreciate guests in his home snooping through his personal salves. He is not alone. In general, a house full of company means your bathroom medicine cabinets will be pillaged in pursuit of your zit creams, antifungal ointments or the prescriptions that treat your mental illness. Everyone seems to feel better if they see a skeleton in your closet too, or more aptly, evidence of a genital anomaly in your washroom cupboard strangely cools their burning urethra.

Chris was planning his New Year's party, and in anticipation of snoopers, devised a genius plan. Why not just give them something good to talk about... something to make one less of a scourge and more of a legend?

We went to Walgreens and bought a box of Durex giant king-size magnum condoms and a tube of generic "lubricating gel". The box was not subtle; it stated "XXL" right on the front in huge blue letters. A sneaky intracabinet gazer would know they were in the abode of a guy who was hung like a walrus or somehow got the Super Bowl 70 condoms. He emptied his cabinets except for the two items and then proceeded to the levity of the party.

We're pretty sure someone must have looked, as he received a number of knowing glances that night. Within days the word spread like wildfire, augmented by the extrapolations of "telephone". Now he's the neighborhood stud and even strangers claim to have tripped over the damn thing.

Monster rubbers have transformed the neighborhood currmogeon into the cool guy that makes schoolgirls blush and neighborhood men throw an ambitious thumbs up. A well-placed box of giant prophylactics can make one a star. Genius. Size doesn't matter, it's the perception of enormous size that matters!